six/sixteen

7. friends

I pushed Trent off of me and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

Cole was staring at me so intensely I felt it in my soul. He was hurt. I would've been hurt too. Not that we had ever decided what we were, but I was pretty sure I didn't want him kissing anyone else, either.

"Shit," Trent said under his breath, "nobody tells Ella."

Trent pushed past me and Cole, like he was never even there in the first place. And now I was alone with my mess and embarrassment.

"Cole, I'm sorry-" I started, but he cut me off.

"Don't worry about it, Kira. It's not a big deal," he said.

Cole turned to walk away, and my stomach turned to knots. He didn't even want to talk to me. I couldn't let this go.

"Cole, wait," I said as I reached out for his arm.

He turned around and faced me again, looking bored and slightly annoyed.

"It's really not that big of a deal, Kira. We're not anything. I'm not mad," he said blandly.

We're not anything.

Even though I knew it was technically true, it still hurt. I thought of Cole as more than a friend, and he had told me has was into me before.

I knew this was all my fault. And I didn't want to lose Cole before I even had him.

"I like you, Cole," I blurted.

He let out one small laugh and shook his head.

"You don't act like it," he replied.

I nodded and shut my eyes in frustration.

"I know," I said, "Trent and I just have a lot of..."

"History," he finished, "it's fine. You don't owe me an explanation."

I groaned in frustration and grabbed his arms. When he didn't pull away, I knew he was listening.

"I like you, Cole. I don't like Trent. I don't feel anything for him. Tonight was just one giant mistake, and I hated every second of it," I rambled. 

Cole stepped back from me and rubbed his face.

"It's been a long night, Kira. Why don't I bring you home?" He suggested.

That was it. I had lost. I was devastated. I'd fucked up the one potentially good thing to happen to me in the last year, all because of an asshole who never cared about me.

I silently agreed to leave with Cole, but I had to find Jenna first.

Squeezing through dancing bodies and past people making out, I found my way back to the bar and saw Jenna sitting by herself, looking like she was about to fall asleep.

I tapped her on the shoulder, and she spun around slowly to look at me. Her eyes were glossy and half-closed, and I knew it was time for her to leave. 

"Cole's bringing us home," I told her, "you're gonna stay with me."

She nodded at me and extended her arms. I grabbed her by the elbows and helped her out of her chair. She relied on me to stand up straight, and I walked her to the door to meet Cole.

We all exited Lex together, without telling Trent or Ella, and piled into Cole's car. I'd never seen it before. It was a '78 red Pontiac Firebird in perfect condition. I wanted to make conversation about the car and how much I loved it, but I didn't feel like I could talk to Cole about anything.

I helped Jenna into the backseat and rode shotgun. The whole ride back to my apartment was silent, the only sound being Jenna's faint snoring in the backseat and the very light murmur of the car stereo.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't really know if I wanted to say anything at all, but I didn't want Cole to be mad at me. I didn't want to ruin this thing that hadn't even started yet.

We arrived at the apartment, and after much struggling, managed to get Jenna in my bed.

I changed Jenna into some of my clothes and took a quick shower. As soon as my best friend was tucked in and falling back asleep, I left my room to go find Cole.

He was microwaving something in the kitchen and texting someone.

"Cole," I said softly.

He turned around and faced me, looking very tired and tired of hearing me. I felt exposed wearing only a long shirt and my socks.

"Kira, just stop. Stop explaining yourself and feeling sorry. We made out a couple of times, and that's it. You don't owe me anything," he said sternly.

He wanted me to drop it. I was supposed to leave this alone, but I couldn't. Why couldn't I just leave it alone?

"Can we just forget this ever happened and be friends? I'd really love to be friends with you," he continued.

Friends.

That stung- a lot. I wanted more than that, but I didn't know how to tell him, and I knew he'd think I was crazy for saying how much I liked him.

So, I just nodded.

"Friends is fine," I agreed.

Cole smiled at me and went back to texting whoever he was texting before.

I took this as my cue to go, and I returned to my room and climbed into bed next to a completely passed out Jenna.

-

"I was really rooting for you guys," Jenna told me.

I shrugged and sat down next to her with two bowls of ramen.

"Me too, I guess. But I screwed up. Obviously he thinks I'm a mess and I can't blame him for not wanting to see this through," I said sadly.

Jenna squeezed my knee and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"You're not a mess, Ki," she said.

"I am, J. It's okay, though, because you love me and that's all I need," I said with a smile.

"I do love you," she said in agreement.

I flicked through the channels on the tv until Jenna and I agreed to watch Final Destination for the thousandth time.

But in the back of my mind, I kept wondering what Cole was thinking- and if maybe, possibly, he was thinking of me.