Memory Escape

Part 2

Memories. They like to haunt you, making your life miserable. Why? No one knows. It's how our mind functions I guess. It's one of those big life obstacles. Your mind. It's a powerful thing, you know. It controls your whole body. When you learn to control it, you immediately allow yourself to a better life.

Everything that happens, your mind captures it. Like a camera. And keeps it safe for years, slowly, driving you insane. When you learn to control every thought you have, when you learn how to use them, you have succeded. But, how does one do that...?

I frantically rose from my bed, my heart beating fast. My body was covered in sweat as I was breathing heavily. My mouth was slightly open due to the shock. I started to look around, only to see that everyone was sleeping tight.

Suddenly, I heard someone mumbling.

"Hyung? Why are you awake?"

My eyes quickly ran to Taehyung, whose bed was next to mine. His head was slightly risen, while he was looking at me with sleepy eyes. I stared at him, when my chest started to tighten. Tears were forming in my eyes. I felt like I stopped breathing.

"Hyung?" he said more seriously.

My whole body was numb. I kept on staring at him, hoping a sound would come out of me. But it didn't.

"What happened?"

I shook my head lightly, telling him I'm not okay. He looked at me for a second, and slowly got up from his bed, careful not to wake the others. His small footsteps coudn't even be heard. He came to my bed, and sat on the edge.

"Did you have a nightmare or something?"

I looked into his eyes, seeing hints of curiosity, and fear. My eyes blurred, and quiet sobs echoed the room. Her eyes, full of pain. Her red crying face. It was all I saw. And it was tearing my heart apart. Thinking about it, made me cry even more. How could I hurt her like that? Damn it, damn it... FUCK.

"I destroyed her... It's all my fault..."

Taehyung opened his mouth to say something, but just sighed instead.

He hugged me, and kept telling me not to blame myself. But, how could I not?

"She's dead because of me, Taehyung.."

"You know that it's not your fault Yoongi. You wanted to protect her."

"I hurt her. I broke her heart.."

"You didn't. She was the one who broke it off. It's her fault, she killed herself. You didn't do anything."

"Don't say that, please, don't..."

I closed my eyes shut, trying to forget everything for a second, but I failed. I can't get that picture out of my head. Her beautiful eyes, were full of hatred, towards me.. I made her hate.

FLASHBACK

"Hello?" i said unwillingly

"Yoongi dear, it's Eun Sang. Nika's mom.." she was crying which made me worry

"Is everything okay?"

She started to cry even more

"Eun Sang?" I said unpatient

After a few sobs, she sighed and told me the sentence I will remember for as long as I live.

"Nika killed herself last night."

END OF FLASHBACK

"Go back to sleep, hyung. You'll feel better"

I slowly nodded, knowing that won't happen. I can't sleep, not now.

"If you need anything, wake me up. Okay?"

"Thank you.."

He nodded with a caring smile on his face, and got up to go back to his bed. Not even a minute passed, his snores were everything that could be heard.

"Nika.."

I sighed while curling up.

The pain was becoming too much for me. I can't handle it. I constantly feel like someone is stabbing me. I just want to die, but the person isn't letting me. That someone keeps stabbing me and making sure I feel everything. It's punishing me.

I started to think about every moment we had together, and another flow of tears made itself known, so I just stuffed my face in my pillow. Tired, I slowly drifted to sleep, while my tears were gliding down my cheeks.

-MORNING-

I felt the warmth of the sun on my face, which began to wake me up. I opened my eyes lightly, but my eyelids felt very heavy. I rubbed them, hoping to get rid of the feeling, but I was unsuccesful.

"Rise and shine!"

I turned my head to see a smiling Taehyung, looking at me full of enthusiasm.

"Did you sleep well last night?"

"Well.. I.. Yes."

"That's great to hear! Now, get ready. We have practice, remember?"

"Yeah, how could I forget?"

I smiled sheepishly, careful not to give him reasons to worry.

"Everyone is downstairs, but you take your time. I'm going down as well."

"Okay."

He waved and went out of the room, leaving me to stare at the wall sadly.

I sighed. Milions of thoughts went through my mind.

"When will I forget you, woman? When will you give me peace?"

Those questions were the only things I woud think about while in the shower, while practicing, on the ride back... I just couldn't figure it out. How do I move on? How do I find peace once again? What is a man to do, to forget?

Later, in the evening, we were all eating dinner together. The guys were all having their seperate conversations, while I was stabbing my chicken and vegetables with my fork, frowning. Suddenly, Jimin turned to me.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

I rose my head to look at him, confused.

"You haven't spoken to anyone the whole day. I'm worried.."

"Oh.. it's nothing, really."

He crossed his arms and put them on the table, adjusting his head while puckering his lips. He looked at me questioningly, raising his eyebrows.

"Nothing?"

"Um.. yeah.." I mumbled

I felt quite uncomfortable with him looking at me like that. Like he was analizing me to find out what's wrong.

"I heard you crying last night. I don't believe that that's nothing."

"Why are you being so nosy? Stay out of my fucking bussines!" I yelled out of nowhere

I harshly got up from the table as everyone went quiet. The sounds of the cutlery banging on the floor were the only noises that could be heard.

"I don't need you to worry about me, Jimin. I can take care of myself."

I pulled away my chair, and started to go up to my bedroom. I was pissed. I hate when people stick their nose in my life, let alone try and fix it somehow. I'm capable of fixing myself, I just need time. Right?

Sometimes, we have to learn the hard way, that our problems sometimes seek their solutions in other people and their consultation. We aren't always capable of solving everything, we aren't perfect. And that's okay. Feelings are NOT for the weak. The weak and the strong are chosen by the actions we take to manage our feelings.