I got my own room and brought my black clothes instead of my fancy ones. I keep my hair down and I kinda started cutting again. No one knows though and I don't want them to. I cut on my thighs so no one notices. I haven't talked or ate much for the past two weeks. And I definitely haven't talked to Harry. My dad had to put a baby monitor in my room because I keep having dreams that are of Harry and my mom and they told everyone about how I cut so then everyone told me to kill myself and I wouldn't do it so my mom did. My dad says he wants to know when it's happening so it doesn't disturb the people next to me. I wake up crying, sweating and shaking. I know it's because I feel like I don't have anyone who cares about me. My dad is always away with the boys to keep an eye on them and Megan still dislikes me. Then Harry still tried to talk to me but I ignore his and Paul yells at him. I know Harry knows something wrong with me.
I put on my sweats, sweat shirt and converse. I brushed my teeth and hair. I made sure my hair is in my face. I grabbed my phone and cross body purse and walked out of the room. I checked what time it was and it's 7:30 pm. I'm meeting everyone at Starbucks because the boys are playing there tonight and my dad wants me to be with him when he leaves the hotel. I ran into Paul, the boys and Megan but they went to the elevator and I used the stairs. They got down there before me so had to wait. I pulled my hood up over my head and made sure my hair is on my shoulders instead of tucked in the hoodie. Paul lead me and the boys to the limo. I sat by the window and Liam, I rested my head on the window and my phone vibarated. I pulled it out of the purse and Harry texted me 'Hi.' I put it back in my purse and closed my eyes, a tear fell down my cheek. I looked out the window and I saw the paparazzi and fans lined up from the shop all the way down the street. I wiped my face and got out of the limo as fast as I can even though I had no help getting through them. I walked in and waited for the boys to walk in. They walked in about 5 minutes later. I walked over to them and they were picking out a song.
"Do you guys want something to drink?" I asked.
"Water." Liam said.
"Water." Zayn said.
"Water." Niall said.
"Water." Louis said.
I walked away before Harry said what he wanted. I got them all,even Harry, a bottle of water. I walked over and handed it to them. I walked over and took at seat in the back. I saw Paul trying to keep paparazzi out. I pulled my hoodie down as Harry started to talk.
"I dedicate this song for a special someone in the crowed." He said looking at me.
They all started to sing "Back for you." He wouldn't stop looking at me when he sang and it made me feel really insecure. I got up and walked to the bathroom. I pulled out my razor and lifted up my sweat pants. I didn't hesitate I just cut and cut and cut and cut and cut till I felt good about my self. But really after cutting I regret it, Its just something I know isn't good but I do anyway. I wiped myself up and carefully put my pant leg down. I threw the razor away and opened the door to find Harry standing there. I walked past him but he grabbed my wrist.
"Please talk to me." he pleaded looking in my eyes.
"Theres nothing to talk about Harry." I said trying to walk.
"Then let me talk to you." he said.
"Im listening." I said.
"Okay so the girl who called me was Taylor and she broke up with me because I kissed you. Then she said she wanted me back and I didn't answer. So she told me to meet her somewhere and I still didn't answer cause I was with you. I have no clue what she said but I want you." he explained.
"I believe you but It can't just go back like it was before like that." I said snapping my finger.
"Good and I already know that but all of us are going to the beach tomorrow and by us I mean the boys and Michael, Ashton, Calum and Luke." he said.
"sure." I blurted without thinking about my scars.
He hugged me and I winced in pain when his boby came intacked with mine. He walked back to the signing and I pulled my hood up. I walked back to my seat and watched the boys sign posters and cds for the girls. I texted Harry back and said hi. I watched him pull out his phone and smile at me. I laughed when the boys punched him on the arm for not listening.
