I've Waited

Chapter Six: Guilt In Me

Warning: Really sad and mentions of self harm.

I waited a week for Lance to get out and once he did, we had hugged longer than we have before. Everyone was happy and talking to see each other again and healthy. Lance and I didn't speak. It wasn't in a bad way. We both knew we missed one another. I was happy to say to myself that I loved him. Yet I couldn't say that out loud. It still bugged me that I had killed a whole army of Fidens, but for sure I knew everything was going to be alright now that Lance was back.

"I don't want to let go, Lance," I mumbled into his shoulder. His hand was stroking my head, calming me down slightly from shaking.

"I don't want to either. God, Keith, I missed you so much. I'm so sorry I worried you." He kissed the top of my head. I didn't care at this point if people saw. I needed Lance more than anything now. I was terrified that he wouldn't survive but now here he was. We pulled away, looking at the others who hadn't noticed a thing and we headed to the dining room. Well, I was dragged by Lance to the dining room. Green goo, again. At first, it was quiet until Lance started talking about the green goo and how Hunk had made it better. I took a couple of bites but I wasn't hungry. I felt a hand land on my thigh which made me look down to see it was from Lance. He was talking casually while he was rubbing up and down on my thigh, making my anxiety vanish.

"Allura, if you don't mind me asking, what was that corrupted crystal for? Did we get any?" Pidge asked, looking at her. Before she could speak, Coran butted in.

"It's to help our barrier have better protection. And yes we did. After Keith had put you guys to safety, he grabbed some." I looked down as he sounded proud of me. If only they knew what they were done. They all looked at me with tension in the air. Allura and Coran looked confused.

"Keith, we need answers by the way. I thought I told you no secrets between the team. You put our lives in danger because of that." I shrunk down at Shiro's words. "You need to trust us and not be in this alone bubble. Let someone in your life for god's sake! You could have killed us back there. That explosion was from the Fidens and they knew all your weaknesses. You could have died! We all could have died and we-"

"Shut the fuck up Shiro!" I shouted, abruptly standing up. "My life is my life and I do not want to share every damn thing with all of you! I will share personal things with whoever I wish! Yes, that asshole was right! I am gay, I was in a bad relationship, I am part-galra, I do have a boyfriend, I have more insecurities than you can imagine! But do not and I mean do not push that passed my mouth! After you all were unconscious I did something I should have never have done but I did it because m- Lance was in danger! None of my secrets had anything to deal with the explosion so don't put that shit on me!" I stormed off and down the hall. I was trying to keep my Galra form in until I came into my room, locking the door. I curled up on my bed and just let all of my anger, depression, and stress fall out of my eyes that turned into tears. I was sobbing. Lance would hate me if he knew. That I killed someone. More than one. Many. Maybe twenty. "Damn it..." I hissed, realizing that I had dug my nails into my arm. I was bleeding but I ignored it. I was used to the pain from long ago. I looked around for my bag and packed some clothes and I pulled on Lance's jacket later that night. I put my knife in my pocket. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a letter down to Lance before sneaking into his room. He was sleeping soundly. I placed the letter on the dresser and turned to him again, leaning down and lightly pressing my lips against his. I pulled away. "I love you, Lance," I whispered before walking out and into the room where the escape pods were at. When I got in, I broke down again. I went into space. I sighed after calming down. "I'll miss you, Lance. My Lance." I curled up in his jacket, letting his scent calm me down.

Short chapter but does play with feels, huh?