Words Pain(t)ful

24

I told myself to count to three and close my eyes everytime the flashbacks started.

/1/
He sat next to me, once. He was too close, I wasn't used to that kind of proximity. I wasn't ready to smell his cologne again because it took me way back into the past. I hold my breath and counted:
One,
Two,
Three.
A puff of air exhaled through my nose.

"He was my past. Stop it," I scolded myself.

/2/
He played a song, once. Shit. Why did he have to play that particular song which we sang together in a duet? Ed Sheeran always accompanied us when he drove me around with his car, I tried to hide my smile as the memories spilled out. I looked away and counted:
One,
Two,
Three.
I didn't sing along with him.

"He was my past. Stop it," I whispered to myself.

/3/
He slicked his hair back, once. I used to be the one who told him how I hate his pomade, who reached my hands up to mess with his hair. We used to laugh after that, he counter-attacked me with a playful pinch on my cheeks. I hate to know that we could not do that anymore. I closed my eyes and counted:
One,
Two,
Three.
I opened my eyes to see him smiling beside her.

"He was my past, but he is her future. So just fucking stop it."

—K. Phosphenous.