I'll Be Your Safety

Flashback: September 1990

My hands were shaking, my palms full of sleeping pills.

This was it, I'm going to do it.

I reached my free hand over to a bottle of cheap vodka I stole to down the pills with. My wrists were slashed in ever direction, burning and stinging with every move I took. I gulped and wiped my tears with the back of my shaky hands.

The phone rang which cause my to jump, no one was home so I either had to answer it or let it ring out. I cried harder thinking about who could be calling.

Mom or Dad.

Grandma or Grandpa.

Gloria.

Cassidy.

Cassidy.

Cassidy.

Cassidy

Cassidy.

"Hi you've reached the Fallon's leave a message & we'll maybe get back to you! If we don't we won't- beeeeeeeeep" whoever was on the other line took a deep breath and sighed.

"James fucking Fallon you better answer this damn phone right now or so help me god." It was Cassidy.

The phone rang again and I cried harder. She knew what I was going to do, she always does.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

"Hello" I picked up the phone, my hands still shaking violently.

"Jimmy thank god I'm coming over okay? I'm at the pay phone like two blocks away I'm coming Jimmy please don't do anything please Jimmy count to 1000 I'm leaving now okay? I love you so much please Jimmy." She was crying I could tell, she hung up.

I didn't know what to do, anxiety set in. If I go through she'll have to find me and I couldn't do that to her. But I want to, I need to.

I tried breathing in and out in and out counting to 1000 until I heard the front door fling open and heavy feet pounding up the stair case, running through the small hallway where my bedroom door flew open and I saw a very distressed Cassidy. I stared at her as she came over to me, whacking my hand sending the pills everywhere and taking the bottle of vodka and throwing it at the wall, the liquid and glass shards flying everywhere. She knelt down beside me and held me. My body was heaving in heavy sobs as she held on so tightly to my black t shirt.

"Jimmy your wrists." She whispered as she held both of my arms when she leaned away from me.

"I'm so sorry" my voice was raspy. She grabbed a rag from her shoulder bag and damped it with a water from a bottle. She carefully dabbed my destroyed wrists, each touch bringing more tears to my eyes. When she was done, se gently kissed both arms and locked my pinkies with hers.

"Promise me James Thomas Fallon. Never again." She said staring her pale green eyes into my chocolate eyes.

"Promise." I whispered. She wiped away my tears with her hands and got up to clean up the mess she made earlier.

"Go to sleep Jimmy, I'll be with you in a minute." I slowly got up from the floor and plopped on my bed, my body ached from crying. I got under the covers and pillows and listened to her hum "Let It Be" and clean up. She must of changed into some of my clothes because I heard my dresser open and close. She joined me under the covers, where we held each other until we both fell asleep.