A Lone Wolf's Journey to Success

Side 2

When people are asked "Who inspires you?" they typically give an answer somewhere along the lines of "my mum, my dad, a famous model/actress/actor ect", when I am asked this very same question the only person I can think of is myself.

The truth is, in the real world no one has your back but you, no one –not even your mum– can save you or the people you care about from whatever mess you cause. I learnt this the hard way, a long and draining way that will always scar me.

When I was 8, my father dragged me by my hair out from my bedroom and into the bathroom. He had pulled so hard and so viciously that chunks of my hair had been ripped from my scalp. He did this so many times, that by the 10th occasion on which he decided to drag me from my room by my hair, I didn't fight, I didn't move, my body just went limp as I was being dragged from one end of the house to the other. My eyes glazed over and when I let myself fall alway into the depths of my mind, the pain didn't seem so real, it dulled it out almost.

When we reached the bathroom he pulled my head up and plunged it into the bathtub filled with cold water and held me there until I let out a final breath and almost drowned. Over and over he did this, day after day and when he was done he would just leave me lying on the cold wet floor, dripping and clawing for breath.

I think I realised then that no one would save me, lying there soaking wet and shivering into myself. I was 8 and I was alone.

The truth is, in the real world no one will be there to save you, only you will have your back.

What really shook me is when after he began getting bored of my lack of resistance, he targeted my little sister, my little baby sister. I will admit we weren't close, we still aren't to this day, we can't look one another in the eye without turning away. Affection between us is so limited it would seem like we are strangers. To the outside world, I suppose we might look a little distant but still seem like siblings none the less. But on that day when I had braced my small 8 year old body against my bedroom door, hoping maybe this time I could keep him out, I didn't expect to hear my little sisters screams coming from the next room over.

The moment I realised it was her I threw my door open and dived in front of her and pleaded that he take me instead and that he leave her alone. He laughed at me, pushed me up against the wall and I feel into a crumpled heap. He dragged my little sister by her hair so viciously and forcefully that chunks of her hair came out.

As I heard her gargled protests coming from the bathroom, and I lay still curled in on myself next to her bedroom door, I think I realised then that no one would have my back or protect me or the ones I loved, only I could do that.