Innocence

Out With the Truth.

April 9th, 2017. Sunday. 6:20pm.

I was pacing back and forth in my room, SHAME by Young Fathers playing on my speakers.
I'm trying to figure out how to tell my mom the same thing I told my dad almost an hour ago. I'm biting my nails at this point, and for some reason I stop in place and stare at this one painting I made around two years ago. I was going to give it to my mom for her birthday or Mother's Day that year, I can't remember, but the painting is, my attempt at least, of Lou Reed from his album Transformer, her favourite artist and album from him.

I remember specfically that she chose to go out without any of us like dad or me that day, and she was gone for almost a week. She kind of had a narcotics problem back then, she was emotionless. I was pissed so I did not give it to her, and I guess I just never reconsidered giving it to her, until now.

I took it off the clips and took a look at it.

I shut off the music and head up stairs to the living room.
"Mom?"

She wasn't on this floor, so I head upstairs to her and dads room.
I walk up to the door but as I reach for the handle, I hear her sobbing.
I grab the handle and swing it open.

Her and dads head snap behind instantly to look at me, they were both sitting on their bed with their backs turned from the door. Dad has an upset look on his face, but my mother is a mess. Her eyeliner running, her face entirely red, tears running. I'm stone cold frozen in place, accidentally dropping the painting and it falls onto their floor.
"I-I.." I stutter.

She runs up from her bed and goes to hug me, I'm almost taken back from it.
"Son....I'm so so sorry." she cries, gripping my back. "Your father told me everything you said, it was enough to make me cry to know just what happened, but it shocked me to the core to know that it was HER that did it.."

I instantly start to cry just hearing her say that, "And I'm just so fucking sorry for not knowing quicker..." she adds.

I hug her back tightly, tears soaking up on each others shoulders, and I look up at dad. He stopped fighting the tears and he was sobbing as well, "Come here dad" I say. Mom lets go and I go to hug him, he rubs my back up and down and all memories of when I used to cry about stupid things when I was still five or six and my dad would rub my back as I would cry into my pillow came rushing back to me.

"Mom.." I say, letting go to turn back to her, she was already holding up the painting of Lou Reed, I was going to let her know about it because I almost completely forgot to give it to her. She was smiling and crying at the same time.

"2015, it was either your birthday or Mothers Day but..you left us that day for like a week and I made that just the day before...it was only until today that I remembered to give it to you." I say.
"I've completely forgiven you for that day though, you had your personal problems. Like I said though, I pretty much just forgot to give it to you until today. You said many times how it was your favourite album by him."

"And also my favourite artist" she adds, "I love it so much my love..."
She comes up to hug me again.

I was so caught up in the moment, it didn't even cross my mind to think about what she was about to do next...