Innocence

Days Past

April 9th, 2017. Sunday, 5:30pm.

After months of not breaking and telling my parents, after months of just going to school, making art, going to school.
Even after months of having crutches and a cast, which is all healed by the way, and at last, after months of not seeing Aunt Jade around the family since....that night, I've finally decided to tell them what the fuck exactly happened.

We've recently started to move to a new place up in the more, isolate neighbourhoods, and that meant I was the one to help my dad pack boxes and shove them into the moving truck.

I thought it was best to tell my dad first, so while I was packing another box, talking to him about whatever came to mind, I stopped and asked him,
"Dad..? Have you ever felt depressed?"

He stopped with his back facing me, and slowly looked up and turned around to look at me.

*sigh*
He sets down a box and sits on the edge of the moving truck,
"Son, I've been at this life for forty two years. You start to think about everything. Not to be a bummer, but you wonder a lot about whether or not your own existence REALLY matters. I mean, yes, we have family left behind but just thinking about it all, all at once, can really get to ya." He smirks at me, with his hand on his knee and left leg hanging off the truck.

"Now why'd you ask such a question?
Are you feeling a bit down?"

Never have I ever seen this side of my father be so concerned for my self or talk with so much wisdom, at least never since I've started to become a child to a teen.

"I...I've had this problem ever since around Christmas time a few months ago.." I said, stuttering completely.

I look up at him, "Go on." He says.

Hesitating to say a word, a singular tear slowly falls down from my eye to my cheek, before wiping it off with my sleeve and sniffling, "The Christmas dinner..Aunt Jade..."

"Fuck." I whisper to myself into my sleeve.

"Woah woah woah," He says, quickly hopping down and running over to me.
He removes my arm from my face and wipes off the tears before hugging me.
"Slow down, slow down. You can tell me later if it's too hard to now?"

"No no, it's fine.
The Christmas dinner, she got me drunk in my room after everyone left, I felt like I wasn't in control of myself, so she completely took advantage of that...and she-" I say, completely broken down, before being cut off.
"Shhh, Shhh. It's okay." Dad says, rubbing my back.

I was crying into his shoulder, never in all my life would I ever expected this shit to happen.

"Before she could do any more..." I add, able to speak clearly now after wiping tears and clearing my sniffles.
"I pushed her off when she was on top of me, she fell right back onto my dresser from my bed and hit her head and spine. I didn't bother to wake her up after she and I were both completely intoxicated, and that's when I put all the clothes on she tore off, and ran out the back door. To the forest. I ran far more into than I ever been, and I fell down that hill I was laying on top on when you found me."

My father obviously was shocked to hear everything come out of my mouth.
We've both completely put a halt on packing the boxes just to sit here.

"Your aunt Jade? I've never liked her. She thought she could do whatever she'd like and get the things she wanted just because of all the money she was inherited. When your mother's dad finally passed away during his time, his wealth was inherited to originally both your mum and aunt May, but she was always the greedy type and took most of the money for her own. Leaving only two hundred thousand for your mother."

"Why? What did mom do?" I asked.

He laughed, "Well, you were on your way at this time. She said to me that she had more important things to worry about than riches.
Her own baby boy."

I looked up at my dad with my eyes widened and smiling.

"Weeks later, we both went back and forth and finally agreed to get an average sized condo. The one you barely remember since we lived there up until you were four." He says, tearing up, looking at the fence across the yard, obviously just rambling about me.

"When you were born, your aunt didn't show up to the hospital for the birth.
Just the week before, her and your mother got into an argument, your aunt planned a vacation to Las Vegas. You could guess that your mother was insanely pissed with her."

He snaps out of it and looks down at me, "The point is my son, is that she is a generally bad person. It's why she hasn't married since she divorced Uncle Rob, it's probably why she had the motives to do exactly what she did to you." He says, giving me a hug with his arm.

I was still so upset now that I was thinking back to that night.

"Tell you what, you don't have to pack anymore. Have one of these." Dad says, reaching into his shirt pocket.

He pulls out his cigarette pack, and pulls one out, passing it to me.

I look up at him, with the cigarette in my hand. "Really?" I said.

"Ahh, well, after all of what you said, it would make no sense for me to not say you deserve a fuckin' cigarette." He says, putting a cigarette into his mouth.
"Plus, I've always wanted a son who smokes. Gives a little bonding time." He added, lighting his and then lighting mine.

It was at that moment that it was clear to me.
That neither I or my family members are perfect.
But we understood each other.