I feel like I haven't been myself lately and I'm not sure why. I haven't been hungry or properly eaten in almost two weeks. I don't really want to talk any more than I have to. I've been trying to make sure all my friends are happy and okay when I don't even know what's wrong with myself. My mom asked if I was in love and my mind went straight to you, but I just smiled and shook my head "no". I don't want to be in love; it's terrifying. There's a chance I could be rejected or let down. I could get hurt. I'm just finishing healing myself from before and I'm scared I'll have to hunt for my broken pieces again. I want to love you and I want you to love me, but we don't always get what we want, do we? The planets don't always align and my lungs don't always allow me to breathe. The stars aren't always in your eyes and fire doesn't always help you see. It almost feels like I'm in some sort of trance. I wish I could snap out of it. My normal state wasn't the best, but at least then I could sleep and eat without seeing your face or hearing your name. You're haunting me and I never even had you in the first place.
-cjb
