Firecracker (On Hold)

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter Forty-Five

Ariya's P.O.V.

I'm startled awake when I feel myself moving; a bit like I'm flying. I know I'm a bit disorientated, but I definitely know I wasn't on a plane. I was in a deep sleep, which is why I'm slightly perplexed. I haven't slept like that in a long time.

I thrash around, trying to defend myself and then I hit the floor with a hard bump.

I hear Justin's voice let out a curse but I'm more concerned about taking care of myself than worrying about what he's cussing about. I scramble to get up from where I fell and I try to get my head together. I'm up and dusting the dirt off my hands when I pause in my movements. I remember what happened. I remember telling Justin about Brad. I suppose the only plus side of that is I no longer have to force myself to call him my father. I can call him by his name and Justin won't question it.

Still, I've betrayed myself by giving in and telling him about it. I shouldn't have been so weak, but I literally thought my head was going to explode with all of the things bursting to be released. I don't know what game Justin is playing, but I'm starting to think he has beaten me. I don't want to admit defeat and I will fight until I can't fight anymore, but he's clearly messing with my head. I buried all of my memories a long time ago and since being here, he has been working on getting those to break free. He really has no idea what he's in for if I can't control my mind. He hasn't seen me out of control until he's dealt with that. I taught myself to handle it and I self-medicate by fighting as much as I can. That helps to keep my anger at bay, but if he isn't going to allow me that, then we certainly will have a huge problem.

I'm actually not deliberately trying to be difficult here. I have a certain level of control over myself at the moment and I don't want to lose that. I don't want to open those memories. I buried them for a reason and I don't want to hand over the control I have to anyone. I want to keep those memories for myself and deal with the consequences on my own.

Justin's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, "Sorry, I didn't mean to drop you. You were in a deep sleep and I didn't want to wake you to move you to the truck."

"What time is it?"

He glances at his watch, "Nearly 1am."

I was asleep for a few hours. That really isn't good. I had no idea what was going on around me. Anything could have happened and I wouldn't have been able to protect myself or prevent anything from happening. This place is seriously messing with my mind. How am I going to protect myself on the street when I go back home if I'm losing all of my skills? I worked hard and went through hell to perfect these skills. Now I'm losing them just for some redneck and a stupid backward town? I need to get a grip.

"You want to sleep in the truck or head back to the house?"

I toss up those options. I don't want to be anywhere near that cop and I'm quite happy to sleep outdoors again. I like being out in the open. Even if it's nothing like being on the streets in the big city, it's more familiar to me. I need to get back to that. I need that familiarity again.

"The truck."

"Ok. I'll take the cab and you can have the bed of the truck."

I nod and climb into the back of the truck. Justin pauses at the tail of the truck before asking, "You going to be ok?"

I scoff, "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

He lets out a deep sigh, "You don't have to act so brave all of the time. It's just us here and I'm not going to judge you for letting your guard down."

"Just because you're a pansy, it doesn't mean I have to be."

He glares at me and is silent for a few seconds before speaking again, "It's not being a pansy or being weak to let your guard down. I'm not saying you have to do it all the time or wear your heart on your sleeve, but it's ok to not be ok all of the time. Don't make this harder than it needs to be..."