Firecracker (On Hold)

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

Ariya's P.O.V.

Justin is awake just after 3am this morning. We're heading out for this cattle drive thing today, so he wants to get the other animals sorted out before we leave. I only slept for about an hour last night. The memories are back and no amount of fighting has been able to quench that. The need to keep an eye on my surroundings and make sure I'm safe has been exceptionally strong since the 'Todd incident'. That's what Justin's likes to call it. On the plus side, everyone has stayed well away from me since then. They finally realize how volatile I am. I'm still angry at Todd though. I'm trying to trample it down and ignore him, but it won't take much for me to want to pound his little skull in.

I haven't taken Justin up on his little agreement. He's tried to make conversation with me, but I've completely ignored him. I know he's annoyed about that, but to be honest, I don't really care. Maybe when I've calmed down a bit more then I'll think about talking to him. At the moment, I just want to be left alone.

I help Justin in the barn before everyone else wakes up. He's got the radio on some country station. I swear, that's all he listens to. I know I don't know much about music, but surely there's more out there than country. He's whistling along to a song that I'm deliberately trying not to listen to, and then he starts chuckling. My curiosity gets the better of me and despite my subconscious warning me not to, I ask, “What?”

“This song. It could be describing you.”

“Huh?”

“Do you even listen to the music on the radio?”

“I try not to. And you call this music?”

“Hey, don't hate the country music. It's the best. What is your style then?”

I chuckle, nice try, Justin. “Definitely not this.”

“Oh, come on. You can't just say that. You cannot hate the country and then not give an alternative. That'll just make me assume you secretly do like my tunes...”

“Er, most definitely not. I don't really have a style.”

“No way. Everyone has a style. There's got to be one genre of music you like better than everything else, even if it's just a tiny bit more.”

I don't know what music is out there now. The only time I really hear the radio is when I pop into D's place for a fight roster. He gives me a schedule once a week and I turn up wherever and whenever he wants me to. I don't get paid for my fights. I use it as a release so I can get some sleep and not eat myself up from the inside out because of the anger. D doesn't know I'm homeless. It's never come up in conversation and I don't intend to make it an open topic. I make sure I'm clean and presentable any way I can before going to see him, so he has no reason to question it. I snap myself out of my thoughts and realize Justin is staring at me.

“So? Even a favorite singer?”

I sigh, “Michael Jackson, I guess.”

“Ah, an MJ fan. Favorite song?”

I shrug. I know what it is, but I don't want to answer that. It'll make me think of her, and I don't want to do that. I hate thinking of them and I hate that I still like that song after everything. They're the reason life got so messed up in the first place. Why would I want to waste my brain space on thinking about them.

The radio crackles a few times and I notice Justin changing the station quickly. Eventually he says, “Ah ha! This is the song I was talking about. It's called 'Firecracker'. That's you, right?”