Firecracker (On Hold)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

Ariya's P.O.V.

I can't believe I told him. I'm so furious with myself right now, but I can't actually make myself have the energy to do anything about it. What I am surprised at, is Justin's reaction. He hasn't judged me. He hasn't told me how disgusting I am or how I deserve to die or rot in a prison cell. In fact, he seems understanding about it. Maybe it's time to give it up. Maybe he is right and this is the perfect place to talk about it. Once I leave, we never have to see each other again and we can forget all about it.

I don't want to tell him about my past. In fact, I don't want to tell anyone. But I'm increasingly aware of the toll this is taking on my body. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat and I'm exploding all the time. It's only a matter of time before I lose control completely and do something I can't take back. I am aware of this fact, but it doesn't make the decision to reveal my history any easier.

I really do think I deserve everything I have been thrown in life. My father was a horrible person, there is no doubt about that. But you're not supposed to kill people and you're certainly not supposed to kill your parent. My cruddy life is the universe's way of trying to balance out the awful thing I did. I can deal with that. I'm not one to think it's not fair. I don't think it's unfair that I'm homeless or that I don't have any family, well none that care to know me anyway. But that's getting ahead of myself.

“What happened, Ariya?”

“I stabbed him.”

I'm sure this isn't me talking. There's no way I would just let that piece of information slip so easily.

“Why did you do that?”

“It doesn't matter.”

“Clearly it does. That's a vital piece of information and probably a big part of why you feel and act the way you do. What happened to your mom?”

I shrug. After they took me away, I only saw her once.

“You don't know?”

“Nope. Nor do I care.”

“Really?”

“Do we have to do this? I don't want to talk about it.”

“Remember when I said what you want and what you need are two different things? This is one of those times. You might not want to tell me, but you need to talk about it. If you don't, you're going to explode and I don't think even I will be able to hold you back. You want to talk about those scars instead?”

“No.”

“Thought as much. So, your mom?”

“I haven't seen her since they took me away. Well, that's not strictly true. I saw her in juvenile court. She testified against me. Said I went crazy and just attacked him. She let them send me to a detention centre and didn't even bat an eyelid.”

“Wow, that's pretty harsh.”

“Obviously I was better off without her.”

“Maybe, maybe not. You'll never know now. You won't know what life could have been with different decisions.”

“I do know that life would have been worse if he was still alive. That's for sure and certain.”

“Really? How can you be so sure?”

“He was a horrible man. And you're going to say what they all said back then. That is was teen angst and it's normal for teenage girls to not like their parents.”