No Soul Left To Give

Love

My name is Dan, not really memorable but eh

Dan Howard Moore

Yeah my mom was a bitch. Anyway this is a story about me, my wife, and my child. Also about how life sucks. Sucks ass. Hard. Its fucking miserable.

Anyway, to the story

"A-Anne" I stuttered out, my face red.

She turned to me and smiled "Yes honey?"

"They say.. in order to love someone.. you h-have to lover yourself" I paused, choosing my words carefully "I don't think that's true. I never have and never will love myself, and I frankly don't see how anyone could love me. Somehow, you did. You say you love me, you cook and make the bed and sometimes I do the same for you. I have never in my life loved someone as much as I love you. I love you so much I forget what hating myself feels like" my voice got shaky near the end.

She smiled, tears foggy in her eyes. "I love you too Danny"

God, I loved when she called me that.

Hey yeah me again, just saying, Anne was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was depressed, I cut, I didn't eat, then she came into my life and I-

I didnt see myself anywhere without her.

We held hands and continued watching the movie. She sat in my lap and I set my face in the crook of her neck, and let out a deep breath. We were content. Happy. Everything was perfect.

We woke up the next morning, a gumbled mess

She got up and disappeared into the kitchen.

Then my brain did that thing. Y'know the thing. You eyelids feel heavy.
Breathing starts to slow. Chest gets tight right in the middle. Your eyes tear up for no reason. Your brain starts think about awful horrible gut wrenching scenarios that would never happen, but your brain somehow makes them seem logical.

I felt weak, small, helpless. Like a baby. Crying. Missing someone I had never met. Feeling homesick for a home I'd never belong to. My stomach churned.

Anne came back to the room and saw me, clutching a pillow and sobbing. Numerous thoughts running through my head making me miss my razor.

She rubbed my back and hummed a song I didn't know the words to..

My mind began to clear but I couldn't catch my breath. She kisses my neck and whispered things to keep me calm.

I eventually calmed down.

She got called in.

I hated that. She'd get called into work and I wouldn't see her for at least a day. I was left alone with my thoughts. That terrified me.

She left and I didn't do shit.

I sat, watched whatever the hell was on TV and that's it.

I got a call a few hours later, and her stupid co-workers voice came on

"Hi is this Dan Moore?"

"Yeah who is this"

"This is Stacy Stevens, I work with Anne, she said to tell you she'll miss your dinner reservations tonight"

My heart sank. I had been trying to pop the big question for months, every time her work ruined it, so I thought, fuck it.

"Can you give her the phone please"

"Uhm sure"

Silence... More silence..

"Yes dear?"

"Will you marry me?"

My head screamed at my stupid decision as the silence made my face grow hot.

-click-

She hung up on me