Not A Word

Chapter Twenty Seven

Tara

I was so embarrassed, scratch that, more like mortified. Liam's mom had walked in on us doing some pretty heavy kissing. Much longer and she would have had to pull his tongue from my mouth.

Still, I sighed at the memory. Someone thought I was, at least, tolerable enough to kiss. What if this goes further? Why do I feel like an emotional mess right now? I went downstairs to the kitchen. I may not have had a typical life by I was still a girl and when we get emotionally distressed ice cream always does to he trick.

Some people say it's the sweetness that blocks the bitterness of life but I have a different theory. To me ice cream was always a way to freeze my heart and, with it, my feelings. If you don't have feelings then you can't feel pain. More people should eat ice cream when they're upset instead of filing for divorce and beating on people. Ice cream would solve their problems, maybe.

I rummaged through the freezer in search of a carton of ice cream. Where was that blasted box? I knew it was just here this afternoon. "It's behind the frozen tofu." Denise's voice came from behind me.

I pushed away the frozen tofu and looked over my shoulder at her, "How did you know what I was looking for?" I asked.

Denise when to the cabinet and got it two bowls along with spoons, "When you'd came home you had that look in your eyes. A look that says you are beyond confused and your not sure what to do. Ice cream always helps so I figured you were looking for it. Greg tries to hide it by putting it behind the tofu. He thinks that because I find tofu utterly disgusting I wouldn't look behind it for the ice cream."

I grabbed the carton of ice cream and sat at the island with Denise, "It is a clever spot though."

She nodded as she spooned the delicious treat into the bowls, "So what is it?"

"What is what?"

"What is making you look for ice cream at one in the morning? It's something. Is it a boy, schoolwork, a terrible teacher?" She guessed.

Now that I thought about it it could be any one of those things. Tonight though, my ice cream need stemmed from Liam. "Boy."

She took a bite, "Okay now explain. Who and what happened?"

"It's Liam. I know Greg is still hesitant to trust that Liam has changed but I believe he truly has. We were done working on the project and the sun was just beginning to set. I've always loved sunsets. I was standing at his window looking at it and then we were kissing." I sighed happily.

Denise raised a questioning eyebrow but didn't try to put down Liam like I thought she would. "If you're sure. You've survived this many years on your own intuition. Anyone who can do that deserves the benefit of the doubt. Now please tell me why he's causing you to be ice cream searching love."

My smile dropped as I thought of Liam's mom, "His mother walked in on us and we broke apart. She basically dragged me down the stairs and was going to make me either walk home or have me call my parents to bring me home. She called me a tramp, gotta love adults. Liam came down and insisted on bringing me home. He apologized for his mother but after that didn't talk to me at all. I don't understand what I'm feeling anymore."

"I've found that speaking with the person can help. You may believe he doesn't want to talk about it but its better if you both talk. You never know how things could turn out."

"That's the problem. I don't know what could happen and that scares me more than anything else. I don't like not knowing what is going to happen. If I talk to Liam I won't know what will happen. He could laugh in my face and think I'm insane. He could agree. It could push him away." I nearly sobbed.

Denise gently laid her hand on my shoulder, "Do what you feel is right. The problem is that you won't be able to know what will happen. Every decision you make will have an unknown outcome. You can't control the world and you can't know the future. Some things you just have to go along with the outcome. As one of my favorite bands once said, 'let it be'."

I smiled and gave her a hug, "Thank you. You've been so kind in letting me stay here in you and Greg's home. It doesn't matter that you accused me of unspeakable things when you first saw me. Honestly you are still one of the nicest people I have had the fortune to meet." Setting my now empty bowl in the sink I put the ice cream back in the freezer. "I'm going back to bed. Thank you for everything you said tonight."

"Sleep well Tara." I heard her call, though it was slightly muffled through the mouthful of ice cream she had just taken.

I smiled as I slid into bed. Denise was right. I couldn't control the world or know what would happen if I did something all the time. Sometimes I just had to go with it and simply live life. Tomorrow I had to talk to Liam.

*****

I walked down the hall to my first class. I needed to be in there early to talk to Liam. This was it, the day I lost control of my life. Even after all the abuse I lived through I always felt in control because I knew what would happen.

Now that was all out the window. There were no more garuntees on what would happen and I had to live with that. I had to stay strong and not back down.

Liam walked into the room with his good pulled over his head. "Liam can I speak with you?"

He looked startled by my voice, "Um, I don't think that is such a good idea." he whispered.

My eyes widened, "What do you mean Liam?" I glared as I jammed my fists into my hips, "We promised to stick together and have each other's back. I'm really putting myself out there right now Liam. please don't make me regret it."

I had to have looked absolutely pathetic, standing there trying to look angry while feeling utter hopelessness overcome me. What if he didn't care anymore. No, I would not risk losing him without at least being able to give my two cents. Ignoring him I walked over to Mr. Hanson's desk, "Mr. Hanson Liam isn't looking to good. I was wondering if it would be better if I took him to the nurse?" I asked sweetly.

Looking around me I saw Mr. Hanson's face drop in worry, "That is perfectly fine. If either of you need a late pass for your next class I will be happy to give you one."

I smiled a thank you and walked over to Liam, "You're coming with me." I said and dragged him out if the room by his arm. I had made up my mind to speak with him and speak with him I damn well would.