Not A Word

Chapter Twenty Nine

He turned to face me, "What about?"

"Last night. I really don't know what's going on with us, I mean I consider you a friend now. I don't know if I really should though you have been nice enough, far nice enough. Everything is like, overwhelming and I just don't know what to think anymore. I'm so damn confused that nothing makes sense." I groaned.

Liam looked around and chewed on his bottom lip for a bit before looking at me again, "How would you feel about skipping school?"

I looked over at him feeling beyond shocked, I never skipped school. Today may have to be an exception though. If I was truly going to get any answers then I needed a lot of time alone with Liam.

I nodded, "Let's do it." I said feeling braver than ever before.

"That a girl." he chuckled as he started the car and drove off.

"Where exactly are we going to go?" I asked after a few minutes of driving.

He just smiled, "Don't worry, you'll love it."

I felt my smile drop and my eyes widen. No, this couldn't be happening! Was he going to turn on me like in my dream? Could it have been a worming for what was to come? I began to hyperventilate, causing Liam to have to pull over.

"Tara? Tara what's wrong?" he insisted sounding scared?

"No don't touch me!" I yelled, "I never should have trusted you, all you're going to do is betray me the first chance you get."

Liam unbuckled himself and scooted over to my side, "I would never do something like that to you Tara. Please believe me." he pled. My seat belt was undone and I was nestled in his arms the next second with my head resting against his chest.

"I don't understand Liam," I whispered, feelings drained if energy. I was screwed if he tried anything now.

"What don't you understand babe?" he asked softly.

"Why you seem to care. It's not like I'm anything special. I'm pretty useless in life and have nothing to offer anyone. I wasn't even good enough for my parents," tears pricked at the backs of my eyes as I thought about my parents.

I had always wondered how your own parents could never care about me. They are supposed to be the only people on Earth who love you unconditionally.

"You are not useless, Tara," Liam said forcefully, " I don't know what your parents told you but I do know that they couldn't be more wrong. Ever since I began actually listening and getting to know you I have discovered some things."

I looked at him confusedly, "What could you have possibly learned?" I asked.

"Well, I learned that the one thing you crave the most is love and affection yet you refuse to let yourself feel it because you associate it with pain and rejection. I know that inside you are strong and witty but you keep it locked away from from those who may use it against you. You are beautiful but you don't believe that you are so you hide your true self behind a mask of no emotions and clothes that give an illusion of you having no figure whatsoever. What I don't think I will ever know, is why.

"You are an amazing girl who has so many fears trapped inside of her that they are eating away at her. I have noticed that you always think of others over yourself and want to make their lives better without trying to better your own first. Tara, at some point you will have to come first. I know it will seem scary and foreign to you but you have to trust me when I say that it's time you came first." He brushed away a stray tear that had fallen before he had held me and smiled gently. "I'm here for you Tara and I'm not going to hurt you."

"I can't lie to you right now Liam and the problem is that I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can trust people with my well being. I don't even fully trust Greg and he never hurt me. How can you possibly expect me to trust you after you have done such awful things to me? You have been a part of breaking me down to this point for so many years. It's hard to trust again, it really is."

"Then why don't we use this day to help you at least begin to trust again. I know that trust isn't something easily given but it is also a honor to hold," he set me back in my seat, "So where shall we go?" he asked with a smile.

I thought about it for a while before realizing that I didn't know about anyplace to hang out besides the park. The only places I ever went were the store, school, home, and the park. My parents had to know where I was so they could find me if they needed to. That didn't leave much other time for searching the town. There were so many times when I thought if just running away and getting away from my life here. I had wanted so badly to just leave this life.

I had even tried once, but they had found me two hours later hidden in the back alley of the grocery store. I hadn't known where to go. I know that they make me unfamiliar with the city I'm in so that I can't truly escape.

Suddenly I felt my breath seize on my throat. They had tried to kill me once and been unsuccessful. What if they found out they had failed again? I couldn't breathe just remembering how my fathers hands had wrapped around my neck, stealing the life out of me. My mother had just stood by and watched as I died before her eyes.

"Tara? What's wrong Tara, what's happening?" Liam asked.

I refocused my eyes and looked at him sadly, "I don't know where to go Liam," was all I said.

"Was that all you were so freaked about?" he asked.

I shook my head, "I was just uh... remembering things."

He nodded and started the car, driving off. I wanted to tell and scream again like I did before but I had already showed him enough if my fucked-upness for one day. "Where are we going? Please tell me this time Liam. I can't mentally handle not knowing." I whispered.

He looked over at me with an utterly heartbroken look on his face, "We're going to go to a spot of mine where I like to go to think. It's somewhere that has always been a safe haven whenever I feel stressed about anything."

I nodded an watched out the window. Maybe this was the first step to truly trusting again. I am allowing him to take me somewhere that I don't know, even if it is going against everything I have ever done before.

I glanced over at Liam to see his eyes focused on the road. I had never really been able to look at him before now. Jr can be pretty hard to look at someone while their foot is slamming into your face. I shook my head, no I will not have those thoughts ruining my peace of mind. Liam had been nothing but kind to me lately and no matter what my dream may be telling me, I don't fully expect him to betray me like everyone else.

I found myself wondering what had ever attracted Liam to Zayn and his gang. Seeing him now, I could see that he wasn't the monster I had been trained to think he was. It made me wonder about all the other boys. They all really seemed to follow Zayn's lead. None of them had ever attacked me without him around. Could he be poisoning their minds to paint me as something terrible?

I sighed and stared out the window. Why am I even thinking about Zayn right now? He is a school problem that I don't have to worry about today. Liam, though he may not know it, has become a savior just like Denise and Greg. I find it amazing that I can even think about someone being a savior to me. Up until, not that long ago, I never thought that I could have considered anyone even close to that. I had always been surrounded by hatred and pain.

Maybe now my life would be different and I would be able to live my life without living in constant fear. Fear was an enemy of mine, though, that I believe is too great for me to fully overcome. I do not believe that it is something that will ever leave me, especially after all the experiences I have had to endure during my short time on this Earth.

Looking back out the window I let a small smile touch my lips. At least now I knew that I had people to stand by my side and help me through the rough patches in my life, while creating a new path for me to follow.

I know it's been a while since I've updated but I needed a cooling off period with this book. Honestly the problem is not that I don't have ideas, it's that the ideas are coming too fast and I can't grasp onto them. Just. Stick with me though because I know it will get better.