Fall || Lashton

2.0 || i l o v e y o u

:-)

+ + +

It's been a couple of weeks since Ashton moved in with me. These past few weeks have not been easy, and in fact, they've just been harder than before. My head is still in a very dark, dark place, but no one seems to notice. It's not like they're just blatantly ignoring the fact, no, they're not that heartless. I've managed to convince them that I'm 100% okay now. Even my mum believes me, so I'd say I've done a damn good job. If anybody asks questions, I just say I'm tired, which isn't necessarily a lie. Having to deal with my mess of a head really does tire a person out. It's not just that, I'm also mentally tired. It's gotten to the point where I think even my demons are getting tired because their snide comments don't affect me anymore. Well, they do, but I'm much too drained to even think about doing anything about them.

"Luke?" Ashton asked, knocking lightly on my half open door. I hummed half heartedly in response, though, it was barely audible.

I heard him sigh, and I could tell he wanted to come into my room and talk to me. Him and I haven't exactly been on the best terms. It's not like I don't want to be, because I do, but it's just so hard. I've gotten over the whole panic attack ordeal, but my mind hasn't. I want to sit down and talk to him. I want to tell him how much I miss him, but I just can't. It's not just him in fucking up my relationship with, either. It's practically everybody. My mum, Jack, Michael, Calum, everybody. Forcing myself to talk just isn't enough, and I know that, but that's all I can do at the moment unfortunately. My lack of emotion and personality makes it seem like I'm pushing them away, when in reality, I'm clinging onto them for dear life.

"Dinner's ready." Ashton spoke up, pulling me out of my fucked up head. I nodded and wordlessly got up, following him downstairs, though, I don't really want to. My mum has been babying Ashton since the moment she agreed to letting him stay here, and it's so annoying. I mean, I understand where she's coming from, because she did the same with me and Ashton deserves that kind of love and affection, but still. I guess it's just frustrating more than anything. She's practically forgotten I even exist! Of course, I'm just exaggerating, but it's not far from the truth. She never pays attention to me anymore, or hangs out to watch movies with me anymore. She's always with Ashton during her free time. She just never had time for me anymore. On the other hand, I feel absolutely heartless for getting slightly pissed at both my mum and Ashton. He hasn't had any sort of motherly love since he was little, so of course he's going to bask in it if he gets it, and I don't blame him. Like I said, he deserves this kind of love and affection, and so I don't have the right to get mad at him for enjoying it.

"Oh, thank you for getting him, Ashton!" My mum exclaimed cheerfully, sending a loving smile towards Ashton who happily smiled back. "Luke, dear, would you mind setting the table?"

I didn't bother to reply, what use would it be anyways? I quickly, and silently, set the table, before sitting down at the head of the table, opposite my mum. I used to sit adjacent to her, but that's Ashton's seat now.

"I made your favorite, dear." I looked up thinking she was actually talking to me, but of course she wasn't. She's smiling down at Ashton, holding his favorite dish, apparently. "Chicken pot pie!"

"Oh, you shouldn't have!" Ashton smiled sheepishly, but my mum just shushed him.

We start eating dinner, only making small talk here and there. Well, they're making small talk. I'm just sulking over in my seat.