Holding on to Carter/✔️

Chapter Nine

Carter’s POV    
It was Monday morning and I was tired as fuck. It was like a truck had hit me head on and I’m still recovering. Maybe it’s from Friday night still, most likely actually, my body was still trying to flush everything out.
I opened my heavy eyes and like every morning, was blinded by white. White was what I saw every morning, and black was what I saw every night. I loved it, because it just made sense to me, it’s like birth and death. Day and night.
My morning routine varied. I could either get up and decide to put effort in and do my makeup or I did my makeup to cover whatever I needed to so I hadn’t raised questions about the evident lack of sleep. Well today was ‘do your makeup so you don’t look like a complete piece of shit’ kinda day. So this is where I cover the dark bags under my eyes and the blemishes on my tanned skin, then darkening my eyelashes with mascara and tinted my lips.
“Carter? I need to go!” I looked behind me and saw Jesse jog into the white door frame. He changed, he must’ve went home quick. He sported black ripped jeans, a black Hawaiian floral shirt with pink flowers and green leaves. He had black dress shoes and his hair styled messily to the side. His outfit looked good, it made him look more tan, he looked less like he was about to break into my home like last Friday. I looked at his eyes and I felt myself grow a little warm. His eyes were bright today, like the warm sun. They weren’t their usual dark murky brown but a bright caramel. It reminded me once more of the mountains and a small smile lifted my lips.
“What are you doing there standing and staring like a little creeper?” He muttered taking a step towards me and wrapping his toned arms around me. He smiled at me, a nice bright white and big smile. His teeth showed, his perfect teeth showed and I melted under their white gaze. They were like stars, bright and mesmerizing.
“Just thinking about the mountains.” I muttered and moved a loose strand of hair away from his forehead.
“You think a lot about these mountains.”
“Indeed I do.”
“And why?” We swayed a little and I let my head lean back and a soft giggle left my mouth.
“Because they are absolutely beautiful.” I watched as his eyes brightened even more, a smile so true gracing his lips.
“Ah, I know things that are absolutely beautiful.” His eyes softened as if their warmth had melted itself, and I watched eyes they dripped in adoration. A soft chuckled rang throughout my room again as I pulled away.
“Now go to school so I can finish getting ready.” I scolded, a small smile still holding my lips. He rolled his eyes and plopped on my bed, causing a soft thud and a bounce.
“I want to leave with you.” I rolled my eyes and walked in my closet. My closet could be considered a room, it was big enough for maybe two large beds. I had racks of clothes on each wall and under the racks were shoes. But the wall across from the door held a small dresser, and in there held my accessories. Bags were hung about this room since I never really found an actual place from them to go. Groaning I went to take a pair of light blue jeans and a halter top with a sweater and slipped on some booties, and then I looked in the mirror to see if I looked somewhat presentable. The light blue ripped jeans hugged my slim legs well, my halter top seemed to as well. My sweater gave me a more relaxed look, and it made me warm and comfortable which I liked. Making a deep throaty sound I stepped out and grabbed my bag and phone. I checked it and saw that there was no messages or calls and I was not surprised. Nobody contacted me, not if it wasn’t important.
“Alright I’m ready. Can you please go to school now?” He sat up and looked at me with a questioning raised eyebrow.
“Why are you so eager?”
“I just want you to get there on time.” I watched as he stood up and faced me.
“I'll be there on time. Why are you so eager?” I tasted metal in my mouth from biting my tongue so hard, and I felt skin scrape against my palm and under my nails. I stayed silent, my jaw clenched and hard. I watched as he chuckled, a deep throaty one and shook his head.
“I’ll see you later then.” He paused before he turned to leave my room. I watched as he grew a little uncomfortable, a stern look crossed his face.
“I don’t want to find you lifeless on the side of the road, or in your house again. If you aren’t at school on time then I’m leaving and looking for you.” I nodded once and silently watched him leave my room and then the heard him descend down the stairs. I sighed outwardly, feeling a weight lifted off my chest and relaxed. I heard his car start and then slowly drive down the path. I slowly walked down the stairs, no longer in my blinding white room but the cream colored walls instead. I walked into the garage and bent down into my small white car and started it, opening the garage and backing out.
Driving was something I liked to do. It let me think, it let me vent in a way. Driving was sacred to me. I liked to think about the things I needed to do for the day and for the rest of the week. I like to think about what is going on in my life, I like to make decisions during this time. And so, the decision for this ride was Jesse. What to do with Jesse. I told myself I would stay, with him I mean. That I needed to help him but what about at school? Outside of just my home? Do I allow myself to be around him then? Break my eighteen year streak of talking to no one? No, I can’t. I don’t want people to assume things, I don’t want people to think that now they can talk to me. No, I can’t do it. But what if that could help him? Being there to talk to him at school? Being there to talk to him outside of my home? What if that is when he needs me the most?
I looked out to the field of trees, fields of green and brown and I was brought back to his eyes. His eyes made me melt, their brownness reminded me of warmth, they reminded me of caramel in their more liquid state. He was as sweet as it too, savory and mouth watering. He was a candy shop, inviting and everybody's favorite.
I pulled into the school’s parking lot after a thirty minute drive and thirty minutes worth of thinking and debating. I still couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do, which was strange. I was always able to figure it out within in thirty minutes, but my problems weren’t always as big and as important as this one. Although the suicide debate was a month long argument.
As a senior was I able to park in the front, closest to the school along with the visitors and teachers. Today I seemed to be a little late, I didn’t get my usual spot, which aggravated me to no end. That spot was my year long spot, it was my spot, nobody else’s. I stepped out, slamming my door and clenching my jaw. I felt my insides turn hard as stone. I felt my expression freeze over, making my face hard and cold looking, a resting bitch face you could say. I took my bag and flew it over my shoulder and let my feet hit the ground heavily. My boot’s heels clicked against the school’s newly waxed floors. I felt the usual stares of my student body on me as I passed. They always had spread like the Red Sea when I was walking down the hall, as if my touch would burn them, as if I was acid. But now that I look, they look in awe. As if I was God and they were just regular humans. I clenched my jaw harder and looked ahead of me, walking the cleared path to my first class.