Holding on to Carter/✔️

Chapter Ten

Jesse’s POV    
Carter was dangerous looking this morning. I could see the water freeze over just taking a quick glance at her. Her expression was hard and her stance was stern. She was what she usually looked like, but she looked more dangerous, to me at least. Like she was fighting a war against herself, debating over something. The waves fighting, with each other or against each other, they were just fighting. The rain pounding on the hard waves, the waves harsh against their very own. The waves were angry.. This problem for her, it was hurting her, her waves were harming herself.
I watched as she stepped out of her car angrily and stomp her way into the school, the students splitting for her path. Her hair was straight, swaying from right to left and her boots making a loud click noise. I walked close behind her, wanting to somehow help her although I knew she wouldn’t want it, here at least.
And I knew why she was at war with herself, and I knew why she was so eager for me to leave this morning. She wanted to think. She wanted to think what she wanted to do about me, whether she was to associate with me outside of her house or just at her house, I knew it was hurting her, this fight she was having with herself.
I had watched her throughout the day, wanting to reach out and melt that cold glare of hers, to melt that ice wall that was now built all around her. I watched as she gave glares and she angrily walked down the hallways, the students stared in awe as their goddess walked their hallways. And I watched her notice that, how she looked at them this morning and then realization flickered before it retracted back to coldness.
And then at lunch I had watched her walk through the cafeteria, not stopping for food or to talk to anybody. I saw one person though smile and nod at her as they passed and she only clenched her jaw and nodded once. The person’s smile grew from a friendly one to a victorious one, loving that he had actually gotten a nod from the Carter Taylors. I scoffed and mentioned it to my friends.
“Yeah, everybody is that way when it comes to her. I thought you already knew that man.” Axel rolled his green eyes.
“Carter Taylors is the queen of the school and she doesn’t even know it.” Dylan muttered taking a bite of his sandwich.
“If I had to choose between Madeline or Carter, I would choose Carter in a heartbeat.” I raised an eyebrow at Axel. Axel was the more stupid type. He was intelligent, but his choices and some of the stuff he says… Well were not.
“Dude, Madeline is your girlfriend.” Axel just shrugged and looked back at where Carter had passed and then at his girlfriend Madeline.
“Maybe she won’t talk to me when I’m playing COD.”
“Oh you son of a bitch, are you dumb? You’re dating like the hottest girl in school and you’d still leave her for another girl?” Dylan grumbled. Dylan was the more sensitive type, he was what girls loved. He was thoughtful, kind and loyal, he was like the creation of Nicholas Sparks. He had the good looks and the personality, he just didn’t have the girl. He will, he will get the girl some day. And I know that his love story will be great, like Spark’s books.
“I feel like you are a complete dumbass.” I chuckled taking a drink of my water.
“Ok but we all know that anybody would hit that.” Dylan and I chuckled and just ignored his usual dumbass comments. He continued ranting about how Carter was what everybody wanted. How she was the definition of perfect, and with that I agreed.
And then she was walking back across the cafeteria, her face more solemn and calm. I watched as her head turned and her eyes found mine. Time had stopped, her smile had stopped my heart, she had stopped. Her usual lengthy footsteps stood still and she was still smiling at me, her blue eyes changed from at war to complete bliss. The guys stared in awe, their mouths open and eyes wide. But I watched her, her smile making my lips turn up. I lifted myself up from the bench and walked over to her. Each step was heavy and took five million years and each step made my heart beat faster. She had made up her mind.
That was until Dylan nudged me in my rib cage and I was still sitting on the bench. Carter was there, feet away from her, her eyes wide and her jaw set, her feet frozen in place. My throat was caught mid name and my hand almost in the air. She hadn’t made her mind, I made it for her.
“Shit.” I muttered as she turned, her hair swishing around her as a halo and stomped out of the room. I gathered my things and ran out, my footsteps leaving light and quiet sounds. I rounded the corner and saw she was at her locker, hiding her beautiful face.
“Carter!” Her head stayed hidden behind her locker door, frozen. I finally made it to her, opening the door so that I could see her.
“Carter I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”
“We can’t do anything about it now.” She whispered putting back a book and taking one out. She gulped and looked up at me. Her eyes no longer at battle, they looked defeated. I made her feel that way, she felt defeated.
“I can-”
“Do nothing. What’s done is done.” She sighed, closing the door and then leaning against it, looking up at me.
“I’ve had a long day.” She whispered. My hands reached up and held her face, caressing it lightly. Her skin was soft, I could barely feel the makeup I knew she had on.
“I missed you.” I whispered. A smile lifted her lips and her hands slipped around me, pulling me into a hug.
“I just want to be home. With you.” Her whisper was so quiet I’m surprised I heard. My arms wrapped around her, and I kissed her forehead.
“I’ll come over after practice tonight alright?” I whispered in her hair. I felt her nod, her forehead now pressed to my neck. My hands rubbed up and down her back, she hummed against my chest.
“When will that be?”
“I’ll be over most likely around six.” She looked up at me, her blue eyes big and bright.
“Are you going to stay over?” Her voice was small, it cracked a little and I nodded, reassuring her.
“Yeah I’ll stay over.” She nodded and hugged me again. Her cold skin raised goosebumps on my skin.
“How are you so cold?” I whispered, leaning back to look at her. She was in a sweater and a tank top, and ripped jeans. Her sweater seemed to be warm, it had thick material.
“I’m always cold Jesse.” I shook my head and grabbed her hands, attempting to warm them.
“When you get home I want you in a hoodie, sweatpants, thick socks and a hat. And in your bed. You’re too cold to be walking around in this.” She chuckled and nodded. The bell rang and she winced a little, her face scrunching up and tilted to the side as if it hurt her ears.
“Does it-”
“Yeah, everything still hurts.” She mumbled, her hands tightening under mine and she clenched her jaw as kids started to fill the hallway. I felt her grow uneasy as the kids stared at us, as if their whole world shattered.
“I can g-”
“No. I won't be able to stay unseen my whole life. Might as well start the change now.” Her voice was hard and distant, her eyes were vulnerable and sad. I saw Dylan and Axel out of the corner of my eye and them eyeing us warily.
“Carter I think maybe-”
“Jesse! Where'd you go?” Axel yelled, a smile plastered on his face. Dylan was grinning, but not in the same way Ax was. Dylan had a sweet grin, like he was genuinely happy, unlike Axel. He had resentment and jealousy written all over him. I looked at Carter wide eyed and a small smile was on her lips. She was uncomfortable, but not too uncomfortable. She eyed Axel a little longer than I'd like, as if she also saw his resentment. Probably, he was a pretty open book.
“He was with me, I'm sorry I had taken him from you. I'm Carter Taylors.” She said holding her right hand out, taking both of them out of my hands. Axel took it right away, shaking it messily. Her jaw had clenched but released it quickly.
“Axel Trainer.” His smile was now one sided, he had his charm on. Carter pulled her hand away from him and looked at Dylan and held out hers again.
“And you must be Dylan Bokter. I've heard of you, you won the nationwide writing contest right? It was a story about a boy on a journey correct? I read it, I was one of the judges. I absolutely loved it. ” She asked taking his hand firmly, a genuine smile on both of their faces. His cheeks were a light shade of pink now, his lips uncovering his white teeth.
“Yes, that was mine. Thank you, so much. It took a lot of time and effort but I'm proud of it.”
“Have you worked on anything else?” I watched in almost awe as she easily got along with him, with both of them. Even if she looked not so fond of Axel.
“Ah yes actually, I have a few works in the making.”
“I would love to read them.” Her eyes held true to her statement, I could see the the admiration in her eyes, they shined a little. She looked at Axel, who you could see was bugging for the attention of Carter.
“And you, basketball right? You play the right wing correct? Ah yes, yes you do. I remember watching one of your games, you did well. Scored on average eighteen points at your games, and even though you are right wing you always go in on the left and do layups. Are you dominate in both left and right? Or is it just a weird unexplainable thing you do?” I raised an eyebrow at her knowledge, she has impressed all of us in under two minutes of just talking. Axel was falling in love I think, his eyes were as bright as an LED light and his mouth was opened, a small smile placed on his opened lips.
“Yeah, I do. When I first was starting out my coach made me do everything on the left since I wasn’t as good on the left but perfect on the right. I guess it just stuck.” She nodded, almost invested in this conversation.
“Well it’s a good habit. You make the most on the left anyways, I would start evening out that out though. The scouts were talking about you, said that if the next game showed more of you being successful on both sides that you would definitely get a spot.” His eyes grew as wide as the moon and he almost choked.
“The scouts?” He sputtered. She nodded nonchalantly as if it was normal.
“Yeah, Mark and Bryan were here for the last three games watching the players. Word got in that our school has a good team. So they came, checked it out, and well they like what they saw. Don’t worry about it though, you’re in their top three. How are your grades? Are they good? I’m assuming so, seeing that your mother is Katherine Trainer, I’ve met her you know. She’s a very nice lady, strict, I think she tried mothering me once about my grades. She helped me go over a few articles I wrote.” I watched as this new Carter was blossoming, breaking out of her shell. Her teeth showed now, her smile big and bright. And then she turned to me, her blue eyes almost making me melt.
“I have to go to psych, I’ll see you later.” Her hand squeezed my arm, almost reassuring me that she’ll be fine being alone until I came over, as if she was telling me that she may hold on a little longer. Her eyes turned to the boys and she said bye to them and then walked off as if the hall was her runway. Her hips swayed and her hair bounced a little.
“How the fuck did you get her dude?” Axel whined leaning against the lockers, his hands rubbing his eyes. My jaw clenched for a second remembering her pale body still in the white tub, covered by the clear liquid. So I rolled my eyes and ignored it, thinking that that would be the best thing to do than lead anything on.
“I like her.” Dylan shrugged, content with Carter, content with what all just happened. Axel groaned again and looked like he was about to throw a bitch fit.
“Of course you would! Carter is the definition of perfection! Who wouldn’t like her?! I’m pretty sure Satan himself would fucking love her!” Axel snapped, Dylan and I gave him a look that told him needed to chill the fuck out.
“Axel you should head to class, you’ll get a detention if you’re late.” Dylan muttered pushing Axel the way to his class and he nodded, saying a quick and small bye before jogging to class. Dylan turned to me and nodded towards the doors and I followed him. We headed to the back of the library and took a table farthest away from people. Dylan pulled out his laptop and logged on.
“You never told me about her. I hadn’t heard from you all weekend actually.” He muttered clicking on a tab, taking a quick look at me across the table. I sighed and opened up my own computer.
“I can’t tell you much.” I muttered, he nodded, his face held understanding and a neutral curiosity.
“Then tell me what you can.”
“Do you remember when we first met?” I asked, he sighed, nodding and bringing his eyes up to meet mine. The memory of my little eight year old body struggling to climb over his window, falling inside. I had remembered when his mom came barreling in, shocked to have found another boy in her son’s room. Dylan had covered for me though, saying he had snuck me in through the back door.
“Well that’s how I met her, but it wasn’t exactly the same.” His lip twitched a little, unsure on how to take this.
“What do you mean? Did she try killing you or try having sex with you?” I chuckled, it was a dry one, it tasted sad and forced leaving my mouth.
“No, I found her in her bathtub almost dead.” I whispered. His one eyebrow rose and the other pulled closer to his nose. He leaned forward, curiosity was all that held his face now.
“I’m assuming you stayed there all weekend then right? How is she doing? She’s not going to try again will she?” He whispered back, a small smile lifted my lips at my friend's response. He didn’t want to know why she did it, he cared if she was OK, and that’s why I loved Dylan more than I ever would of Axel.
“She’s the best she could be. But for the latter, I’m not too sure. She’s… I need to be there for her from now on. A lot. Whether she likes it or not.” He nodded and leaned back, getting comfortable.
“Good. Just don’t press too hard. You could make it worse. And if you need my help, I will.” And this is why Dylan was easily everybody's favorite. He didn’t push, he just helped. I watched as his eyes squinted, he was thinking and it didn’t have to do with homework.
“Why would you choose her house? Wouldn’t you just know that was her house?” He asked leaning forward again.
“I honestly didn’t. I just leapt over the wall and climb the side of the house and stepped in. I rummaged around and found a book, I only looked inside the cover to see handwriting and then a signature at the bottom.”
“And then you found her.” He whispered, I nodded, clicking on the document page to start typing my english essay.
“Jesse whatever you do, please, just please, help her. Because if you don’t, then I will.” His eyes were hard, but in a caring way. They were pleading almost, and I knew that I couldn’t say no. I wouldn’t be able to anyways, Carter was already too involved in my life. She clouded my thoughts, she made me want to run to her and take her away to a faraway place.
“I promise… I promise.” My whisper came out harsh, it was weak and I thought for a second a sob would come after but it didn’t.