Holding on to Carter/✔️

Chapter Twenty Seven

Carter’s POV
    The sun had peaked against the trees, the brilliant orange against the dark green. I sat up and pushed the blanket off of me and walked over to the balcony, wanting to feel the cool wind against my skin. My fingers tapped against the railing and pulled my hair away from my face.
I missed the mountains, I think I miss them too much. I was there for only a few days and I grew to love them so much. They were just beautiful to wake up too, they were beautiful to explore, everything about them was just beautiful.
It was early in the morning, too early. I hadn’t been able to sleep, not for the past two nights. Waking up restless or waking up because of nightmares.
Nightmares to me weren’t the kind where there was a monster under my bed, or a killer just around the corner. It wasn’t seeing my family disappear or it wasn’t seeing my loved ones die. It was me feeling what I felt right before I had submerged myself under the water that night Jesse had found me.
It was the feeling of being abandoned and being completely and utterly lost. Not physically, but just the feeling the loss of purpose. Feeling the loss of any meaning or even just personality wise. I was a void of any emotion, of any color. I was always so formal, too formal for anyone.
I envied my parents for that reason. They were colorful, lively, they had that balance of formality and this taste for adventure. They were willing to go out and risk their lives, willing to take a break and do something for themselves, they were willing to do what makes them happy and I envied that. For so long the only mindset I had, still do have, is to do what will benefit you. To do what will make you successful in any way, and to push yourself until you get that and more. That’s what I did too, I have over a hundred percent in all of my classes, at fifteen I was officially labeled a genius. At sixteen I was labeled the most successful, beautiful, dominant and intelligent girls in the states. I was a bit shocked for that one, just because of the fact there are so many other women out there that actually do more than I do. And by now, I was labeled the queen with the stone cold eyes at my school. My favorite by far, mostly just because everybody just tries to get by in high school, and for me it’s been a breeze. Aside from the latest events, with Jesse and… Well the attempt at suicide.