A Fractured Echo

Chapter 20

Returning to the scene of the crime, seemed like such a glib thought to entertain, but that's exactly how I viewed going back to the location of my accident. It had been just that, a crime. The boy driving the stolen car had broken the law, his failure to stop after hitting me had simply added to the list of charges they'd levied against him. With the new understanding from Valentine's day, I'd realised there was a distinct possibility more wrongdoing had occurred that night, remaining hidden from view thanks to the amnesia. The air crackled with electrified nerves, and every muscle in my body constricted as I stepped off the bus onto a road I'd not seen since the night my world was altered beyond recognition. After I'd woken from surgery, the police had brought pictures of the area to the hospital in a vain attempt to jog my memory. They'd departed no further forward in their investigation, when I'd been unable to recall anything that might give them a logical explanation for how I came to be standing in the path of a car in the early hours of a Thursday morning.

As my mind largely remained a black void throughout my recovery, there'd been no further reason to revisit...until now. There was no denying a neon flashing question mark over the moments running up to the accident remained, and as much as I'd craved answers in the hopes of piecing myself back together, an ingrained fear of what could be revealed by retracing my steps had kept me away. I was a stark contrast to the woman I'd been twelve months ago, or maybe even as little as six. Since then, the change had been significant, and I wasn't ignorant of the fact the new people in my life had played a substantial role in expanding and fortifying the circle of strength around me. It dawned on me in the last few days, just how far I'd come in terms of the way I viewed myself. Pieces of the past may still be missing, but uncertainty no longer restrained me in a crippling embrace. The vice like grip holding me back for such a long time had loosened, fading into the shadows which haunted me for so long, making it easier to edge towards acceptance of who I was in the here and now. On the surface, it no doubt appeared as though I was living once Jodie came along. She'd done a lot to not so gently shove me in the right direction, and I loved her so much for the unyielding way she'd chipped away at the walls I'd erected after what happened.

In truth, the tipping point had been the wooden bench on the opposite side of the road to where I now lived. That one afternoon triggered a significant shift in thinking, the courage to entertain possibility and opportunity beyond the confines of the box I'd neatly packaged myself into. It paved the way for such a massive realisation regarding not remembering my past, which for the largest part I'd allowed to define the person I was after everything happened. Meeting Constance brought about the realisation that I'd allowed myself to become hostage to the unknown, living in fear of the day it all came back, and as a result, not really living at all. Clashing with Jackson that same day triggered the restoration of a side that I hadn't recognised as lying dormant...my fighting spirit, which I'd come to learn over the past few months, was a world away from the will to survive.

It was the very reason I stood rooted to the spot at the opening of the alley that had the potential to yield answers to some huge questions. Then again, it could result in a dead end. Either way, there was no expectation on the outcome, the motivation simple, to help the police if I could and if it filled in some of my blanks then it was a bonus. I didn't intend to devote too much time on a rare Saturday off from work to this endeavour, but a desire to do some of this on my own meant I'd arrived a good hour before Jodie was due to meet me.

Staring down the narrow walk way, lined with a mishmash of wooden panels and chain link fencing, in the muted light of early morning it was just an innocuous cut through. Taking a couple of quick cleansing breaths, I marched purposefully down the path toward the unknown, but with a renewed confidence that whatever happened, it was alright.