A Fractured Echo

Chapter 23

The shadow of Jackson's secret loomed over my shoulder, hissing so loudly in my ear, I was convinced those around me could tell I was keeping something from them. It wasn't a confidence I would ever break willingly, but I feared Constance would just know from looking at me that something wasn't right. Being around her was beyond awkward, and something I couldn't avoid from the moment I walked through the front door, to find she was in the throes of preparing dinner for the two of us. Trying my best not to cringe at the mention of inviting Jackson to eat with us, my relief was almost palpable at her revelation he'd declined via text, citing a mountain of paperwork. Maybe my parting words had struck a chord, not necessarily the right one, and now he couldn't bear to be in the same room as me. The very idea stabbed at my subconscious, slashing indiscriminately at the good intentions laying behind my words.

What if I'd destroyed everything we'd fought so hard to build?

As the colour drained from my face, Constance noticed, instantly enquiring if I felt alright. Nodding, I blamed my pallor on 'lady stuff', which she thankfully accepted, even going as far as to suggest a nap before dinner might help. Gladly accepting the opportunity to escape, I climbed my way to the top floor, seeking the comforting embrace of my duvet for a few minutes. Once installed under its blanketing protection without even bothering to peel my jeans off or close the curtains, exhaustion won out, holding me hostage until the muted grey of daybreak bathed my room the next morning. Realising how long I'd been out for, I sprung from my cocoon, panicked at having passed out so easily. I had no recollection of Constance trying to wake me for our meal, which meant she'd left me to sleep, but knowing her, she would have been up to check on me. Reaching for the bedside lamp, I flicked the switch, bathing the room in a warm yellow glow. An icy chill ran through me, indicating the central heating had yet to kick in, which meant it wasn't even six o'clock.

Leaning back into the soft downy pillows, my mind wandered to the previous day, and what I'd watched Jackson endure. How had he kept everything bottled up inside for over two years? Had he simply placed his own grief in a small box with the lid firmly closed, to allow him to focus on helping Constance deal with hers? Or was the damage far more profound, with him ignoring the agony because to acknowledge it meant facing up to just how much damage that woman had caused. My chest ached with the thought of Jackson having held onto his secret for so long, all the while, the neat package contained a festering truth which refused to lessen with each passing day. It had burgeoned within its confines until cracks appeared, allowing the roots of anguish to spread and metastasise. The outward manifestation taking the form of a beautiful man with a closed off heart and soul, preferring to distrust anyone who entered his life rather than seeing the goodness in them. Selena's devious ambush the previous day made me prickle with anger, and a sense of lingering regret at not having said so much more as I made her leave. She'd put on a convincing show, playing the victim with disarming beauty, but it was clear Jackson would have seen through her thanks to previous experience. Letting the knowledge sink in, a slow trickle of doubt over my actions began to seep through my mind. Had my motives for interfering truly been as altruistic as I'd convinced myself they were? Had my gauche presumption really been welcome or warranted? Why had it been so important to me to take on such a mantle? Maybe I should have just kept out of it, rather than blurring the lines of our friendship through a selfish desire to be Jackson's protector.

Through the myriad of thoughts, a singular sense prevailed.

The purest of thoughts.

My unequivocal affection for Jackson was at a level I'd never really recognised until this point, way beyond the bounds of basic attachment. I would walk over hot coals, into burning buildings and chase away all his demons, just so he never had to be alone...and I had no idea what to do with this knowledge.