Excerpts From A Story Ill Never Write

Five

You start to wonder what would happen if you took your last breath of air or if you walked through your front door for the last time.

You wondered how everyone's life would go on without you and how everyone would react.

You started to think about the end more and more until it consumed your whole life.

Slowly killing yourself.

Forgetting to look left and right when crossing the road, forgetting to eat anything all day.

You turned into a walking ball of pain.

The pain showed on your arms, legs. It showed in your eyes when you would look up at the ones who loved you.

Your bones showed through your clothes and your grades began to drop.

Your little sister watched from far away, scared to come near you.

Darkness lined your eyes and scars covered your thighs.

You started looking for anything right in a world full of hate.

Staying up late scared to close your eyes for even the slightest second in fear that your body wouldn't start back up.

Your mind whispered not to be scared but all you saw when you tried to leave was your sisters look of despair begging you to hang in there just a bit longer.

Walking through the hallways, not a single sound came from that small house

Only your dog snoring from your mom's floor and your sisters t.v mumbling.

All of them fast asleep yet you're awake, moments from tears.

You slip into the bathroom and switch on the light.

The sight in the mirror lets the tears roll down your cheek

Your hair is thin, your eyes are dark. Your collarbone is showing and your arms are so fragile.

You collapse onto the floor, not hiding the pain anylonger.

So much pain comes to the surface but no sound comes out.

Moments later you wipe away your tears and come to your feet.

You know it's going to happen regardless of what will happen after.

You were not thinking of how your mom would have to work a third job to pay for your funeral and all the bills to make sure her little girl is laid to rest properly.

You were not thinking of your littler sister and how she looks up to you in everything.

Your best friend will pull over on the side of the road when finding out and throw up, curl up in a ball, cry.

Your boyfriend will blame himself because you guys had just fought the night before

Your teachers will blame themselves for giving you the grades you had in fear of that was what pushed you over the edge.

You were not thinking of how your little sister might follow in your footsteps.

You were not thinking of how everyone's life would be ripped apart because of how amazing you were.

Instead you went on and swallowed the bottles of pills and drank a bottle of gin.

Instead you left no note, only tears dried to your face.

Your mom walked into the bathroom the next day to find her little girl cold as ice.

She fell to her knees and stroked your cheek hoping you were just asleep.

She pushed your little sister out of the room and dialed 911.

In moments they arrived and took you away leaving the pain in their path.

Your sister begged for you to come back, wishing she would have talked to you, maybe she could have saved you.

You mom stared out the window imagining your laugh, your smile.

As the weeks went on your sister gained the strength to go into your room.

She made your bed and lined up your sketchbook. Your scent was everywhere and she couldn't hold back tears.

You were not thinking of the pain you were going to cause the others.

You were not thinking the effect it would have on her and you mother.

You were not thinking about how on the one year mark, your mother would take her life to join you, leaving your sister alone in a world full of hell.

You were not thinking of the aftermath of killing yourself, of starving yourself.

It all started as a thought but soon became a reality.