You still choose her

I understand

Kagome

I awoke with a sudden jolt, my body that was falling in the dark abyss was now motionless on the soft cushion. Tears started pouring down the sides of my face as i sat up on a bed with a pink pastel duvet over my legs. I calmed myself down as i took deep breaths, in and out. I covered my eyes with the palms of my hand, resting my elbows on my now bent knees and sighed loudly.

My curiosity spiked when the question of how this aftermath happened appeared in my thought bubble. I was sure that I was walking around the shrine, i had a detour and stopped in front of the tree, i was crying and... and then everything went dark. 

Before i even had the time to think about where i was, the familiar walls and duvet were enough to tell me that i was inside my room, on my bed. I wondered how long i was out. I looked over my shoulder and stared at the window for a moment. Thinking i could briefly estimate what time it was by looking at the sky. Although from the time i came back from the feudal era, i kept my window closed, i couldn't even bear the unrealistic thought that he'll come yelling and entering through my window.

I placed my feet on the floor, my toes feeling the furry carpet beneath me. There was a sharp pain in my head that was probably there since i woke up, i sighed and touched the temples of my forehead. Gathering all my strength, i slowly stood up, making my way to the window, staggering. I gently grabbed the purple curtains and drew them more to side, hesitantly, i reached out to the opaque, gridded window. Before my skin managed to feel the first layer of the window, i sharply turned around and sat on the chair in front of my desk.

"What's holding you back?"

I jumped at the sudden voice, i turned my head and saw my mom by the half opened door, holding a tray with a glass of water and what seems to be a bowl of porridge. She pushed the door wide open and went inside my room, she placed the tray on my desk and sat on the bed. She quietly scanned the room. I took the glass, feeling the moist shaft that was wet with water. The ice clinking the edges as it slowly melted away as the droplets trickled to my hand. I brought the rim to my mouth and took a sip, maybe a few gulps. My shoulders relaxed felt relieved as the source of moisture ran gushed through my throat.

I glanced at my mom and saw her staring at the window. I took a quick glance and looked right back at her.

She opened her mouth, wanting to say something. Nothing came out instantly, her hesitation apparent on her face. But eventually she did.

"I remember when you would refuse to close that window. You always said, 'It's fine, mom. It's better than Inuyasha breaking it down'- " she quickly glanced at her fiddling hands " but i always knew - no matter how much you deny it - i always knew that you were waiting for him." She looked me straight in the eyes.

" Mom, what are you tal-"

" You were so adorable, pretending to be mad at him. So hard-headed too. But God," she laughed " you were so happy. So happy."

"Mom! Why are you telling me all this?" I spoke louder than intended.

She straightened her back, her chest puffing out. Her body language spoke differently than what i see in her eyes that are still staring into mine. The way she looks right now, made me feel little. I could clearly see the difference between a grown woman and an annoying teenager. It seems that I wasn't even close to being a lady. I know her all my life and I've never seen her like this.

" I'm telling you to listen." Each of her words more sharp than the other. " You don't need to forget. All THIS." She gestured to me. " Honey, all the pain, all the love, all your triumphs and defeats. All the sacrifices that made you who you are today. You don't need to let them go." She reached forward and grabbed my hands, pulling me gently on the bed. I sat beside her and tears were now forming in her eyes, and so were mine.

" I'm your mother. I know things before you even tell me. And now i'm telling you that i understand. When the times comes, and I know it will. It's okay to go."  She was gripping my hands and all i could feel was love and warmth. Her tears that landed on my hands were full of so much love. " But this is also your life, dear. You can choose what you want to do but i just don't want you to regret the choice you want to take." She wiped the tears on my face and smiled at me." I guess what I'm trying to say is, there's no need to forget. No matter what happens. There's no need to forget"

I grabbed her hands and squeezed them tightly, surprisingly I could still cry. I smiled at her and said "... i understand"