Dear You. | scl

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"Love you mom" I holler as she drives away, leaving me to my anxiety. I tug on the strap of my gym bag anxiously, today's the day.

It's finally happening. I'm auditioning for Immabeast.

It has taken every ounce of my courage to write my name on the sheet. But that isn't even half the battle. I have to perform in front of the class and other competition. There's only 6 slots this fall and all I can think is 'am I that good'.

My phone buzzes, a message from Jenna.

From: Jen💕
You'll do great, mad I can't be there w you right now. But I love and believe in you Bails! (I told your crush to be there *wink wink* so don't let me down😘)

Had I received this text two months ago, my stomach would've plummeted with anxiety. But since my heart has set its eyes on a certain Chinese/Japanese boy. My brain may disapprove, but they say the heart wants what the heart wants.

And I want Sean Lew so badly.

Too bad he's never gonna look at me that way, no matter how hard my heart wants it.

Did I mention he's a dancer here.

So what if I embarrass myself in front of all these talented people, it's not like it's the most important thing in my life. But it is. And I can't afford rejection. I need to prove I'm just as determined because at the end of the day that's all that matters.

I'm dragging my feet towards the entrance, continuing to give myself a mental pep talk. Suddenly, the door is flying towards me and I'm too startled to respond fast enough. The door hits me pretty hard, landing me elbows first onto the ground.

"Oh my god! I'm sorry." The person exclaims kneeling besides me. I'm rubbing my left elbow in pain when my brain registers how attractive my transgressor was. Like really attractive.

"Day one here and I've already knocked over the prettiest girl" he jokes chuckling. I blush despite myself, diverting my eyes quickly. I push myself off the ground, throwing my gym bag over my shoulder.

"I'll be fine."

"I won't be, let me make it up to you over froyo" he offers, his eyes letting me know he wasn't taking no for an answer.

"I'm not much of a froyo person, really I'm okay"

"Then just ice cream, I know this great creamery next to my house!" He insists. I bit my lower lips, huffing in defeat. The guys persistent, what can I say.

"Is this how you usually pick up girls?" I joke. He lets out this airy laugh, running his hand though his hair. The kid has really great hair. And smile.

"Yeah... I hit them with doors and insist they date me"  he says with a smile playing on his lips.

"Oh, is that what this is?" I tease smirking, "a date."

He gives me a sheepish smile responding, "Yeah... I guess we can call it that."

"I'll think about"

"A challenge, I like that."

"Good luck" I sass, walking around him and inside the building.

Here goes nothing.

***

"Uh Jenna it was terrible! Everyone was sooo good-- I don't think they'll even look at my performance!" I whine pressing my phone between my shoulder and ear as I rummage through my bag for a chapstick.

"I can promise that you got a slot if you did the counts we practiced! Don't worry Bails!" She tries to reassure. "What are you waiting for right now?"

"Tati to freakin come! Auditions finished thirty minutes ago!"

"Her and Will are probably sucking on each other's face." She laughs. There's a 99.9% that she's right, the two can't seem to keep their lips from attacking one another.

"Ugh, I wish I had a Will to attack me" I whine jokingly but partially true. Jenna is laughing hysterically on the other side of the line.

"Honestly we do! Did you see Tristian at auditions?"

"That boy manages to get hotter every time I see him!" I exclaim seriously. I may not be crazy in love with the idea of us anymore but that doesn't make him any less attractive. I hear yelling in the background of Jenna's line, "Bails my mom wants me, I'll call you tonight!" She says before ending the line.

I roll my eyes but then call Tati.

"Don't kill me but Will's car died and were on the side of the highway-- Will's friend, Gabe, came to help though so we'll be there in no time!" Tati rambles after picking up on the first ring.

"Oh, that's okay... I can call an Uber-- don't worry"

"Are you sure? Just stick around for a little longer! We're suppose to go shopping for Kaycee's birthday, we need to look hot! so wait!" She insist.

"Ugh fine, call me as soon as your car troubles are fixed!" I huff kicking rocks off the curb. What am I suppose to do till she comes?

"Def babes! Bye. Love you!" She says before hanging up. Why do my friends not wait for a response?

I lift my gym bag off the floor and decide I'll just make dance videos to kill time. I find a spare studio room and prop my phone up against the wall to get a body length video. I decide to shuffle my playlist and crop certain songs later.

I'm finishing my freestyle to Halo, when applauds come from behind me. I jump a little because I was startled but also because I see Sean Lew leaning against the door frame.

Stay calm. My heart beats going on a frenzy and my brain is tryna string sentences.

"Hey." Is all I manage at the end.

"I didn't know you could dance... like that" he comments pushing himself off the door frame and taking a few steps towards me.

"There's a lot we don't know about each other." I bite back, I don't know where the hostility came from but there's a definite edge.

"Fair enough" he says, a little taken back by my comment. I walk over to my phone and pause the music, tucking it into my pocket. I sling my gym bag over my shoulder and return to face him.

"Nice talking Sean Lew." I dismiss wanting badly for us to not pretend like things were on good terms. I'm brushing past him when he stops me. "Wait." The word leaves his mouth but he can't bring himself to continue.

"Sean, it's better this way" I answer before he could ask.