Can I?

sleep

 I cannot sleep.

         Everything is loud in this night of silence. Everything is enhanced like never before in the sun's light. Clocks booming, wood creaking, cars zooming, and my heart beating. Memories climb in from the dark windowsills and haunt me like a depressed cloud.

          Everything is distracting. I close my eyes ,but the plane in the sky demands to be heard. I drift into the world of dreams,but the nightmares importune to be felt. I curl up in a ball to keep warm ,but the coldness implores to be embraced.

I cannot sleep.

I fall into a light sleep for mere minutes before I get shoved out of it. My eyes beg to close. Yet every time I rest it feels as if the rest only makes it worse. It only makes the noises louder. It only makes the distractions bigger. It only allows me to drift into a restless sleep that does nothing for the body and steals the mind. This is not sleep.

I cannot sleep.

I'm not the only restless creature in the night. But the others are creatures of the night that only exist in the night. I barely survive in the night. They stare with their red eyes from the walls. They sneer from under my bed.  They are all inside of my head. My monsters are of the night that exist in me. They are awake so therefore I am awake.

I cannot sleep.

Yet I'm drowning in darkness.

I cannot sleep.

But I'm breathing in nightmares.

I cannot sleep.

But I'm falling in depression.

I cannot sleep.

Sleep is a fairy tale to me that is only told when the battle is over. My battle is not over. The clashes of sword versus fear is still happening. The yells of determination versus nightmares are still being heard. But soon the sword will break;soon the voice will crack. The sword will turn out to be nothing but a beat up pillow. The yelling voice only to turn out to be a small terrified whisper.

I cannot sleep.