..Sonnets for somebody..

.8.

I'm sitting on my window sill,
smelling the the air.
I've always had trouble sitting still,
Coffee and vanilla paired.

Realization always hits like a car,
My limbs scattered in my brain.
My words locked behind bars,
You're gasoline to my flames.

Pieces of my flesh fall off of me,
Dry swallowing pills always makes
me choke.
I never thought I would breathe,
A few more drinks and maybe a toke,

I think about you,
More than I thought I would.
It's just everything you do,
And I just wish I could.

Sometimes you catch my breath,
There's razor blades in my throat.
It gets me every time I'm at rest,
I'm drowning, then I'm afloat.

There's no in between,
I wish I knew why.
If I was really honest,
I'd probably just lie.

I'm painting your windows,
With stained glass tears
Where pinks bleed into red,
Thoughts that shifted gears

Beauty in the pain of,
Biting your tongue.
It's only so long until,
your temper is gone.

I love the sound of the rivers,
In my mind when I think of you.
Leaving fingerprints or slivers,
Like a book that's over due.

I miss you, and the part of myself you never got to see,
The person I always really wanted to be.