..Sonnets for somebody..

.12.

Look I know I've put down the pen
I said it was done,
Like the end of a cigarette,
On the dirt, now I guess that I'm gone.

I spent my whole life trying hard and playing on,
The same words to different situations and now I guess now that I'm wrong.

Sometimes sadness creeps around and grabs ahold of your neck,
And it sticks there right inside you like a shot of Triple Sec,
I'm telling you it's not the best.
It leaves your life in a mess.

See sometimes things are best never said,
And I wish now that my friend wasn't dead,
Sometimes things start to fall apart,
But in your heart, you can see it right from the start.

I wish I didn't waste my time in all these moods,
Surrounded by bipolar swings and paranoid attitudes.

I wish I didn't say sorry as often as I did,
Because it never means something when I truly mean it.

I wish I could look at myself in the mirror,
Without seeing someone whom I legitimately fear.

It's hard moving out of first gear,
When you've been in fifth for so many years.

I wish I had the time to say,
what I needed to to make things right,
I wish they made a pill that would grant me sight.
20/20 vision, no fucking hindsight,
I wish I could just maybe sleep at night.

I'm grateful for the people around me,
Whom decide to stay,
Even though I probably piss them off each and every day.

I'm grateful for hate, because without it, there'd be no love.
I'm grateful for medical care,
That saves us with hands gloved.

I'm grateful for the rain,
It's stuck with me all my life,
I'm grateful for my father who found a wife.
I'm even grateful I'm alive.

I've spent so much time trapped
In a glass half empty,
With walls so black, you can hardly see.
And sometimes you don't want to see.
But it's clearer now, believe me.

I still a mess, but at least I've got a few things going for me.
Like how to do a semesters worth of work in the last week.
Or how to skip without anyone noticing,
So you can go to the fucking library.

I wish I spent more time learning how to do math,
Calculus, algebra are like a freezing cold bath,
Good in small doses, but with enough time,
Your brain goes fuzzy like you've been sipping red wine.

I have a lot of meaningless hobbies that I tend to take,
But I seriously think it's time to take a break,
I wish I could excel at just one thing instead of being mediocre at every fucking thing.

I'm so sick and tired of being stuck on pause,
I want to be heard, but my words are at their loss.

My words should have more impact
I want them to smack you in the face,
But now they just leave your mouth with a bad taste,

Like shitty coffee or sugar free gum,
Because aspartame is going to kill my lungs.

I wish I had a better voice so I could sing just a few times,
I wish I didn't have to avoid mirrors in my sight.
I wish I was fine.

They say everyone has something they outta regret and other things, your thoughts keep separate.
Now I'm not able to differentiate between what's a abnormal thought and what is sane.