7 Days // a.i

Day 7

So yeah. Its been 7 days. A week. The pain seems to have died down a little but I still cant stop myself from thinking. Thinking about you and your life. Everything you did before you fell back and before you lost your fight.

I miss you Ashton. I do. I admit I miss you and at times I admit that I still wish you were here with me. Calum has kind of filled in for your spot. The spot you left behind.

It was a week ago you told me you love me and I said i love you more and your last words to me were 'if you say so'. Then of course hours and hours after that Luke tells me about your fall back. How you returned to the drinking and the drugs. Then hours after that Mike called us telling us the news.

You lost your fight. The drugs won. They killed you. Calum found you. Lying there lifeless on the bathroom floor. A needle stuck in your arm. A lot of things around you. Mike told me your eye lids were a little open but it was small. I was told you left something behind but police took it away for evidence. Guess what? I got it today.

It was your old journal. The one where you wrote all your thoughts? Calum read it to me as he cuddled me. Not even halfway, he asked me if I wanted him to stop but I told him to continue. I needed to know what you were thinking when you fell back.

Then he read it to me. It was because you felt like you weren't good enough for me. People were telling you I'm better off with someone. You thought you were too ugly to be seen with me. You thought you were useless. But babe, these were just false things people wanted you to believe.

I wish I could hug you and tell you that you are perfect. Everything about you is perfect. Your dimples. Your many laughs. Your smile. Your stupidness. I loved everything about you. But the darkness won and took away the life of the man who simply wanted to love someone without hurt.

I'm sorry Ash. I'm sorry you lost. I'm sorry that they won. I'm sorry you thought those things.

I would hold you in my arms right now. I would but I can't.

Because it's been 7 days since we found you dead. 7 days Ash. 7 days..

And I miss you a lot </3 i hope you're ok, now that the pain is over. I hope you know I will always love you. I hope you never forget that.

Calum may be there but he'll never compare to you. Because undoubtedly you were the one Ash.

You were the one for me.