7 Days // a.i

Day 2

Hello again Ash. I wonder how you are. I hope you’re alright. I’m so sorry about the fall back and most importantly I couldn’t help you. Did you fall back because of me? Am I that bad of a girlfriend that you fell back to your old habits? Or is it because of something else?

Did you know I can’t stop blaming myself now? I feel like this is all my fault. That I am now the reason. I don’t want to believe that I am because wasn’t I the reason you stopped in the first place? How can something be the reason you stop but then also be the reason you start again?

Michael tells me it isn’t my fault and that you were just under a lot of stress and you returned to the things that made you relax. I thought you promised me you wouldn’t fall back. I remember the day you told me you've stopped drinking and stopped doing drugs. I remember how you made me watch you throw everything away, I remember how you kissed me that one day and whispered: The old me is gone. This is the new me and the new me will love you endlessly.

You loved me. You never failed to show it. And those days where I would feel alone and down, you would come to me, hug me and kiss me all over. Then you would sing me songs and cuddle with me and tell me I am your queen. Then you would get me some ice cream and chocolate sauce with sprinkles. I would smile and tell you you’re the best. You wouldn’t leave my side until I was alright.

Remember our one year anniversary? Yeah, I remember it. You bought me a ring pop because you couldn’t buy an actual ring. You told me you were in love with me and that you promise to buy me an actual ring when you can. You did eventually. I’m wearing it now. It’s beautiful.

You got it for our two year anniversary. I remember how much I cried the moment you told me. And how you got down on one knee and held out the diamond ring. I cried for hours. Having the ring on felt amazing and it still does now.

Even though I blame myself for your fall back I can’t help but look at the ring and smile but then it’s given me the feel of guilt. How can I be happy? So I’ve decided to take it off and hide it. If only I could help you. I wish I could, if only you told me. I would’ve helped you. But it’s too late. You had already fallen.

And it’s all my fault.