Prison of the Mind

Pulling the Curtain Back

The moonlight sent glittering streaks of white and silver across the water, mesmerizing Elizabeth as she stood at the railing. Inhaling deeply, she savored the smell of the sea air as it filled her lungs. She didn't understand how some couldn't see the beauty of the ocean. All of the men that she had encountered until Jack had always said that the sea was simply a tool when she had known it was much more than that since she was a little girl.

A light breeze blew her straw blonde hair around her face, tickling her skin. Sighing, she resigned herself to not being able to properly appreciate being on a ship again until she could share it with Jack.

He had disappeared into his cabin after the Navy men decided to willingly accept him as their captain.

Why did he care if Sheffield, or anyone, said something disrespectful to her? She distinctly remembered the anger in Jack's eyes at the man's words, but she did not expect him to nearly break Sheffield's jaw. Was Jack the only one that was allowed to say distasteful things to her?

But even so, ever since their conversation in the jungle, he had been almost civil to her. It was as though there was a war going on inside of his head, and the side that didn't hate her was currently winning. He had also told her that he was known to flip his feelings about something without a moment's notice...

It couldn't be that simple. She had a niggling feeling that even through all of his anger and malice that he had expressed towards her, he felt equal amounts of respect and affection for her regardless of how far he was burying it. It didn't matter what sin she had committed against him, because if she was right about the extent of his feeling before she did...that...

Being in love with someone never lifts its taint from the heart. Sometimes, something else just overshadows it so completely that they rarely feel it again.

The smallest whisper of suspicion that he had been in love with her had ingrained itself in her head, but she could only allow that to float towards truth in her mind just barely, because it was pulled back immediately with every cold glare he sent her way, or every harsh word that left his mouth. It wasn't just guilt that had been slowly suffocating her. Everytime she allowed herself to consider that he felt real feelings for her, doubt poured into her mind like a swarm of locusts.

She had worried that he had only wanted to bed her, or that he was just teasing her because he found her blatant admiration and affection for him to be funny. She had worried that she was seeing evidence of feelings where there were none. She had worried that she was pursuing a possibility that didn't exist, and would leave of a wake of problems in its path.

She had worried so goddamn much over that man that she would propel herself towards total exhaustion every time her brain would choose to feast on her anxieties again; they would replay themselves in her head like a cycle of torment, each question and theory blending together as though she was attending a carnival designed to drive her to madness.

She drummed her fingers onto the hard wood of the railing in frustration. Perhaps...perhaps she could test the waters by going to talk to him tonight. She always had an endless list of questions to ask him, but lately, she feared that just breathing in his direction could potentially set him off.

Candlelight was burning from inside his cabin as she stared at the double doors dubiously. She guessed that he was inside, but then she realized that she hadn't been keeping track of his whereabouts.

Checking around her to make sure that no one was keeping track of her whereabouts, she headed towards the doors, then remembered that there was another door around back. Taking care to keep her footsteps quiet, she made her way there and stopped to peer through the small window.