We All Fall Down - A Criminal Minds AU

One

You stared up at the ceiling, your eyes drawn to a marking in the corner. Was that a crack in the plaster or just a cobweb that had formed since the last time you had cleaned. Because to be honest, the last time you seriously cleaned this place had been a while ago. If it was a crack that had formed, well that was going to be problematic. But a cobweb could be swept away, making the corner clean again.

If only you could sweep everything away to make things clean again.

You should get out of bed and investigate but you knew you wouldn't. Just like you knew you change the bedsheets, and you knew you should at least have a shower today. The room was starting to smell a little. Instead though, you rolled over and buried your face into the pillow. You'd done enough today, having pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt and heading to the store two buildings down. You needed more drink and you needed to dispose of some of the empty bottles that had accumulated on your bedside table. So that counted as some sort of cleaning at least, throwing them out. You'd used his credit card to pay, knowing that he'd stopped caring about the amount you were drinking. At first he commented, berated you somedays. But now, he didn't care. Did you want him to? You'd thought not but now you weren't so sure. Surely it was better that he didn't care.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you ignored the musty smell of the pillow case and slept.

Sleep.

The only way to escape from the misery of a life you had made for yourself. The only way to get through the excruciating pain that was your marriage. The only way to numb and dull all the thoughts that were contained within your memory. Yet no amount of sleeping ever made you any less exhausted. Exhausted with life, exhausted with simply just being. Exhausted at being backed into a corner that you couldn't get out of. Because you had no real way of getting out of, not really. And if we're being honest, you had no intention of getting out of. Because if you did you would have nowhere to go. The drinking helped the sleep, helped it helped bring about the dreamless darkness more easily.

The apartment door creaked, announcing that he was home, three hours earlier than he should be. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes but not out of your soul, you hauled yourself out of the bed where you'd been laying since your trip to  the store this morning, your clothes crumbled and your hair a mess. Nothing new there then. As you made your way to the bedroom door you listened. Listened to see what mood he was in. He was never home early, choosing to stay late most nights to avoid you. And you preferred it that way.

Oh what a sorry pair you were.

"Y/N," you heard him call, summoning you to him. He knew where you were but you also knew he wouldn't come to you. He rarely set foot in this room nowadays, sleeping in the guest bed or on the couch. You opened the door, still drawn to him like a moth to a flame whenever he said your name. When did it become that he had that power over you? It used to be the other way around.

He was pacing the lounge floor, his demeanor that of a man with a plan. A plan you wondered, whether it would involve yourself. Maybe not. Maybe he was home early to hand over the papers, to force you to receive the karma that you truly deserved. Would it be better that way? Yet as he turned your way, a disgusted look crossing his features when he saw the rumpled clothes and obvious lack of effort at life, you could see red rims around his eyes. He'd been crying.

"Spencer? Is everything....." could you even ask if everything was okay? Did you even have the right to ask that anymore? No you decided, you didn't.

"My father passed away last night. The funeral is in a few days. I need you to pack."

His father, William Reid. The man you had met only thrice in the four years you had been married. The man who you would now never have the chance to meet again.

You were torn in two suddenly by this news. One side, the side that still recognised yourself as Spencer's wife, told you to go to him. To comfort him. The other side, well the other side warned that if you tried then you would regret it. Deeply. As one side won out you stepped closer to him only to see him hold his hand up, a warning for you to stop. He didn't want you any closer. Could you blame him?

"Go and pack Y/N. I have some calls to make."

"How long will we be staying?" you asked timidly, your mind raking over the contents of your closet and trying to remember if you still had anything suitable to wear to a funeral. You must have, your closest was full of clothes that you simply ignored in favour of sweatpants and tee-shirts. There would be some remnants in there from your former life surely.

"For good. I'm selling the apartment."

What? Could he even.... Yes he could. The deeds were in his name.

"And where will we be living?" you asked carefully, wondering if there was even a 'we' in this equation.

"Mother has moved in with Jennifer and Will. The house in Elsmouth is far too big for her to live in by herself and Jennifer wants to keep an eye over her. I'm moving back home, to take over the house."

'I'm' not 'we' you noted.

"And what about me?"

Spencer stared at you coldly, his brown eyes that had once been so warm and loving now full of disinterest.

"That's up to you. Stay in New York, come back to Elsmouth, whatever. I don't particularly care. But as of four weeks today, this apartment is no longer home."

It hadn't been home for months now. Not that that mattered right now.

"So as of four weeks I no longer have anywhere to live?"

"That's up to you Y/N."

Was it though?

Well at least you would have to worry about whether it was a crack in the ceiling or a cobweb anymore. Either way, it wasn't your problem.

A/N lemme know if this is something you'd like to read more of or not. I have an idea but I literally only have the first part written as I've no idea whether people will want this fic or not.