Honeybee

chapter 8- the letter

CHAPTER 8

Dear cookie,

I still remember you like you left me only a day ago; not 7 years, 9 months and 17 days ago. I wonder if u still remember, I hope you do. I want to keep this letter as light and happy as possible but,........there are doubts in my mind which i cant help addressing. Am I making a mistake by over-thinking this?

How is your life right now? I hope its not as empty as mine is. Not dreary, bleak and filled with disappointment and lingering self-insecurity. Don't get the wrong idea;I have amazing friends and many people who truly care about me. Yes, I can live normally again, thanks to you.

But its not enough.

It's like how a plant grows; it has the rain, the sun, and the soil to keep it alive. But the flower that blooms from it can never compare to a flower which has been grown with tender love and care.

The flower in me is wilting.

I need you cookie.

Where are you?

Do you pine for me like how I pine for you? Or does it not matter to you at all? Were those two years just acting? All those gestures, actions, show of affection which I treasured more than anything. Was it all just for pretend?

Before, I would have rather torn my nails out than doubt you, but the circumstances over these past few years has made it unavoidable.

Was it just a huge game for you?

Well, I wasn't playing. I was never playing. I was never a part of it, and I never will be.

My life is not a game.

But even though I say this, I feel like my emotions are playing with me. Even though I sometimes scream to myself; why did she leave? why did she go?, another part of me still wants to see you....despite the anger. Despite the denial and rage.

There is still so much loneliness

Without you, I feel like ending this pointless , so called "game".

I don't know whether I should resent you for leaving, or love you all the more for coming to me in the first place. All I know, is that I need you.

Please reply cookie. I know you're somewhere out there.

Your honeybee

Sarah

The letter was smudged in places.

Were those because  of Sarah's tears which might have fallen as she wrote the letter, or because of the tears which were falling as Leah read it.

Leah sank to the floor as her knees buckled in shock. She sat there, silent, unmoving, staring into space as her mind spun around in circles.

When I left I knew I would have to wound her heart.

But I didn't want the wound to go this deep!

This was the first time she had seen Sarah so vulnerable and insecure. She hadn't reached such a point even when she had first found out about her parents death.

If this is what was going through her head all this time.........

What have I done to her.............!?

She wondered whether she was a monster, the type who had no limit to what they could do to others to get they wanted..........careless..........selfish........horrible.

What am I even doing here? she thought. This is crazy I cant keep dragging her misery out. The sooner I leave the better...

But what will she think? Even if I leave in the middle of the night without even telling her , it'll be too suspicious. On top of that Michael is more or less on my secret so that's a bad idea. I'll just have to wait for the right time, she thought dully.

She sighed and rubbed her face with shaking hands. She was the cause of his whole mess, and it was up to he to clean it up. And the only way to do that was to exit her life again; before she could hurt her even more.....this time permanently.

When she had  first seen Sarah that day , she had only wanted to see how she was, whether she still cared or not, whether she was okay. Just to check up on her, was all.

But all she had done was raise her hopes up..

In the end, all Sarah could look forward to was disappointment.  Leah wished badly she could let Sarah have something to look to in life other than the disappointment which she had felt so many times in her life......

But Leah didn't have a choice. She didn't have any other way. She had to remain as she was for the past 7 years......as Leah Evans, not Leanne Wrigley.

Never again could she be Leanne. Her parents had made sure of that.

For her.......... and their own safety

As she closed her eyes, the reminiscent smells of wood shavings and apples and honey over took her as she fell asleep.