There was a strained silence at dinner that night.
For once I was home early enough to sit down. Our parents closed the door to the kitchen, leaving me to fend for myself at the table. I didn't eat much, surprisingly, not that the others seemed to mind. They seemed almost not used to me being there, though I wasn't sure why I was surprised. It's not like we brothers had been together all our lives.
"So," Choromatsu said, a skittish tone in his voice, "how was the...the.." He tried to remember where I'd been, though at the time I was hoping he'd just forgotten the word.
"Ice rink." I finished for him, wearing a small smile. "It was wonderful. (Y/N) taught me a figure-skating dance her parents had done as a child."
"Wow! Was she good?" Jyushimatsu asked, smiling a little wider.
I closed my eyes and brought my hands to my heart. "She was a snow-frosted angel."
"It snowed indoors?" Todomatsu asked disbelievingly.
Unsurely, I laughed, a tad confused at the sudden interest. "Of course not, brother, yet the ice seemed to almost drift in the air, in flakes. Into her lovely (H/C) hair. As we shaved heaps of the 'snow' from the frozen ground...What a silly thing to think of." I mused. The table fell silent again, and a guilty wave of emotions fell over the room. I looked around in bewilderment. "D-did I miss something?" I asked, watching Jyushimatsu start to twitch. He got up and started doing laps around the room, clearly noticing the uneasiness in the room.
Had I done something? I searched for the answer in their faces, listening to my younger brother run around. My gaze flitted to Choromatsu; He closed his eyes. Then to Ichimatsu, who also refused to make eye contact with me. It had to have been me. Unless something happened while I was gone. Ichi got up and left, dragging Jyushimatsu with him. I didn't have long to wonder why, before the sudden, and loud sound of the door slamming. Maybe I'd ticked him off?
"Look I won't be able to address the problem if you don't tell me what I've done," I said, trying to cover up the edge in my voice.
"Are you stupid?" Osomatsu suddenly asked, not bothering to hide his frustration. He stood up and balled his fists. "Y'know, we get bored without you sometimes. At least try to act like you want to be in the same room with us." I bristled and stood as well, my jaw tightening as I said,
"You think I don't care for you guys anymore?"
"Not since you met 'her'."
I winced and retorted, "Is that all? You're jealous I won't spend more time with a family that doesn't care for me?" It was his turn to draw back. He quickly regained his composure and walked over to me, shoving my shoulder angrily.
"'Doesn't care for you'? We've been there for you all our lives!"
"You need to grow up, is my point, Osomatsu." I snapped, shoving him back. "Open your eyes for once and figure out the world doesn't revolve around you!" Choromatsu stood up and walked toward us, concerned.
"C'mon guys stop, it's too late for this-" Osomatsu pushed him away.
"Shut the hell up, Fappymatsu." The younger brother drew back, hurt. I put an arm between them.
"You know what, we don't need to be starting this. I'm allowed to have my own life, and that's just fine." I said, giving Osomatsu a warning look. "Drop the subject."
He drew back his lips in a snarl and countered, "Don't try to be the hero, Karamatsu. Especially when you're just using (Y/N) as an excuse to avoid us!" I felt my arm get roughly pushed away.
"So what if I am? Are you gonna get in the way of the best thing that's ever happened to me? Like you always do?" I demanded, shoving him forcibly in the chest. He staggered back, though he kept his footing. My voice sounded hoarse with anger. "Are you gonna ruin my life for the umpteenth time? Is that all you want?"
He threw an enraged punch into my shoulder, and shouted, "I've been trying to help, All you've done is push me away! That's all any of you do!" I dragged him into the hallway as he thrashed and snarled like a wild animal.
"Get it together! I am not going to fight my brother!" I yelled back, throwing him onto the pavement outside, and stepping out, bashing the door shut behind me. He rubbed his hurt shoulder and looked up at me scornfully. I started to shake as I pressed,"and you're some hypocrite. Don't talk to me about being pushed away all the time. Express your emotions for once! We're not mindreaders! Why can't you just grow up?"
"Because you grew up too fast!" He roared, peeling himself off the ground and getting to his feet quickly. "You know what? If you 'love' her so much then why don't you marry her? Marry her and get out of our lives! If you're not even going to spend time with us then don't even bother coming home!" He bellowed still. My body trembled as I choked back a frustrated sob.
"You are so absorbed with staying a child that you can't even see how selfish you are! It's never been because of anyone else!" He barely even flinched. "You told them something didn't you?"
More silence. "When anyone else wants to get a life, find a purpose or even love, you lock yourself up and take it out on us! I don't even think you're listening!" I wailed. He backed off, tense and ready to spring into action. Pushing past him, I snarled, "Be the older brother for once and don't drag everyone else into your issues, because I sure as hell don't wanna deal with another March twenty-first." The silence could be cut with a knife. I didn't need to turn around to know he was crying behind me. Tears hit the pavement with a gradual sort of trill.
"Leave me alone." He commanded with a gravelly voice.
"Don't freeze out here." I shut the door behind me and walked upstairs without another word. The tears were already waiting for me.
A/N; This was legitimately hard for me to write. But I had to have some sort of character development between Osomatsu and Karamatsu because I felt like I'd only been using their point of view as a way to take a break from writing as the reader. Anyways, I'm sorry if this was too forcibly emotional. I'm still learning.
-SA
