Dead! (Frerard)

The End.

Gerard's POV

And that was the end of it. The end of our relationship. The end of my happiness and probably also my sanity. It was also about to be the end of my life.

I walked out of his house, tears still streaming down my face and hands trembling in my hoodie pocket. Frank had been the only thing I knew since I was 13. I was lost and scared and alone with no sense of direction until I met him. Now I mean nothing to him and I feel the same way I did 3 years ago.

The weather was reflecting the hollow feeling in my chest. The cold wind cut right through me and the sky was dark and dreary despite it being mid day. Nobody was outside and the old New Jersey street looked abandoned and forgotten, just like me. Numbness had taken over my body and I felt nothing. At least he had the guts to do it in person. That probably only made it harder for me. His eyes were emotionless as he broke off the only thing that was keeping me emotionally stable.

I reached my housed and trudge up the stairs. The second I walked through the door I heard my mom bantering with my brother in the kitchen. "Gerard is that you?"  she called out to me. "Yeah ma, its me."

I assumed she couldn't sense the misery in my tone because that was the end of our conversation. As I walked past the kitchen I glanced over to her and Mikey one last time. They didn't even matter anymore. I mean of course I loved them and all but at this point they couldn't help me. Nobody could.

When I entered my room I looked around and really let it sink in that this is what my life had come to. My eyes scanned over all my comic books and band posters. Maybe I was trying to find hope, anything that could give me a reason to live. But all the crap that once made me so happy seemed pointless. I was so close to the end that life itself didn't even feel real. I have come so close to doing this before but I always had Frank as someone to ground me. I felt numb as my feet carried my to my dresser. My eyes landed on the framed picture of me and Frank that sat atop it. In a fit of rage I swung my arm and knocked it across my room. It shattered all over the floor and the picture was left laying among the shards of glass.

Mindlessly, I opened the top drawer and dug through to find some of my old antidepressants. As I tipped it over at least 50 of the small white capsules fell into my hands and my breathing sped up.

This was it. The end. My hands were shaking as I shoved as many pills as I could in my mouth. I washed them down and laid face up on my bed. As I stared up at my ceiling I let tears fall down my face. Tears filled with anger, love, regret and misery. Im not sure how long I laid there and cried but I started to feel my eyelids get heavy.

A twisted part of me smiled when I realized that this was my final way to get back at Frank. It gave me some sort of satisfaction knowing he would have to live on, well aware that he was the death of me.

And with that, my crooked smirk relaxed and I drifted off into nothingness.

Frank's POV

The last thing I remember was him running out with tears filling his eyes. Right as I heard the front door slam shut I dropped to my knees. I choked up as sobs racked through my body. Everything was shattering.

I still loved him. I loved him with every fiber of my body and it took all the willpower I had to not break down as I watched him crumble at my words.

Ever since I was young I was a coward when it came to my emotions. My relationship with Gerard scared the shit out of me. He was a boy. I was a boy. I was in love with a boy. I didn't know how to handle my feelings. All I knew how to do was break his heart. His fragile heart that had already been torn up countless times. To say I felt like shit was an understatement.

My mind was torn between trying to chase after him and getting over him. The anger towards myself kept boiling up inside me and I couldn't help myself from picking up the nearest object and slinging it across the room. The old comic book slammed against the wall and I kept throwing shit until I felt satisfied with the wreckage.

I fumbled around until I could find the heaviest and fastest album I had and I turned it up to drown out my thoughts. I heard sirens rush past my house and I just turned my music up louder.

The Next Day

The next morning, I woke up to my mom shaking me awake. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the bright light and I realized she had tears in her eyes. I was confused and concerned so I immediately sat up to comfort her. Not knowing what to say, I just let her speak.

"Frankie I hate that I have to be the one to tell you this". Tears pricked at my eyes just seeing the look on her face. I squeezed her hand to reassure that I could take whatever she had to tell me.

"Gerard...he...he's dead."

That was it. I broke. Everything that happened next was a blur because my entire world was spiraling out of control. I did this. I could have saved him but I didn't. I was the end of Gerard Way's life.