I see an image of me chasing someone through circular mazes, getting sucked into an envelope shaped gutter, of disappearing into a crowd. I don't always have nightmares but after the said vacation, it becomes relentless. Sometimes the night brings only sweet relief. But now is different. I dream in black and white.
"Let me get a look at you." Anne manhandles me toward the full length mirror. She grabs my makeup bag and starts to paint my face, adding a lot to the little I have put on. Since we have been doing this routine for years, Anne knows my limits by now, just how much color I will allow, just how much makeup pushes me from feeling attractive to pathetic, and stays within bounds. We have developed a division of labor. She is my personal stylist and critic. I am her confidante and sometimes, tax accountant.
She takes a wand from her bag and dots glitter above my eyes. I immediately look more awake. Just before we leave, we stand side by side in the mirror and take pleasure in the fact that we are physical opposites. She is skinny and angular, with sharp corners of elbows and knees. My edges are rounder, curvier. When we walk into the bar, men immediately turn to get a better look at Anne. I tend not to be picked out from the crowd. I'm occasionally noticed, recognized over time that I want to think of, though Anne won't agree. I don't mind, really. Men who are interested in a woman like Anne won't be interested in me, and vice versa. For all intents and purposes, we are different individuals.
The bar is filled with people. It looks like I needed to fit in. Anne sidles up to the bar and orders us each a vodka tonic, which we down in about thirty seconds. Three shots later, the bar looks very different. I miss this, I think. We have a couple of glasses of tequila and then we decide to take the dance floor. We’re enjoying every beat of the sound when I saw someone heading our direction. I saw Anne smirked.
“What are you two doing here?” I heard the girl asked, like she owned the place.
“We’re having fun, can’t you see?” My friend answers back.
“So I guess you don’t know me either.” The girl in a body-fitting dress asked me.
“Can you just leave the two of us alone?” Anne butted in.
“I know you’re hooking up with my ex.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She answered as she looked at her friend in confusion.
“Whoah, calm down Kim. We're not hooking up.” A familiar voice behind us responds.
“Oh my God. Of course you’re here.” Bulalas ni Sarah sa binata. Halatang hindi ito nasiyahan sa pagtatanggol nito. Ilap pa rin kasi ito sa kanya mula ng nangyari ang insedente sa kanilang bakasyon isang linggo na ang nakakalipas. “Can you just leave.”
“I was just trying to defend you.” Halata sa boses nito ang pag-aalala sa dalaga habang nasisiyahan naman si Kim sa nakikita.
“I don’t need your help, you’re not my boyfriend” Pagtataray nito kay Gerald.
“Sars.” Awat ni Anne dito.
“This isn’t about the thing between us. I am just concerned.”
“Thing? There’s no “thing” between us.” Sagot nito at agad ng tumalikod sa kanila.Hinabol naman siya ni Anne.
“So, the girl you love doesn’t remember you huh. Tignan mo nga naman ang tadhana.” Komento nito sa dating kasintahan.
“Back off, Kim.” Gerald said at agad sinundan sila Sarah.
“Sarah, please. Open the door.” Pagmamakaawa ni Gerald sa dalaga. Hindi na niya kanina naabutan ang dalawa sa labas ng club kung kaya’t sinundan niya na lamang ang mga ito sa condo ni Sarah.
“Maybe you should talk to him.” Ani nito sa kaibigan.
”What I am supposed to say.”
“Hindi ka ba naawa sa tao.” Sermon niya rito. “Ginagawa niya ang lahat para lang makausap ka niya ng maayos pero hindi mo man lang siya magawang pakinggan.”
“I know and I felt bad for him. Pero there was just something off about him, and I'm afraid of him. Pano kung gawin niya ulit sakin yung ginawa nung nagbakasyon tayo.” Seeing Gerald was the last thing she wanted to do. She was sorry for him, she felt bad, but it was the truth, she doesn't know him, she can't remember anything about him and frankly, she doesn't want to face him anymore.
“Please Anne, I gotta see her.” Pakiusap nito kay Anne nang bumikas ang pintuan ng bahay ng dalaga.
“I'm afraid she'd locked herself in her room. Sorry Ge.” Sagot naman nito.
Malungkot namang umuwi si Gerald. Sarah glanced out the window. She saw Gerald climb into his car. It was like watching a stranger.
“Happy?” Tanong ng kaibigan nito sa kanya.
AN: Ang saklap. Don’t forget to vote. Follow me @akosijenipeo. Thanks! J
