Harry Potter Oneshots From Every Era

The Four Stages

RemusxSirius

'Come on, Remmy! It's only alcohol.'
'It's only alcohol, my arse. You know i'm hopeless with alcohol. All i need is one drink and i'm totally off my head-'
'That a good thing! Whenever you get drunk you have fun!" Sirius waved his arms around his head dramatically. 'Pretty please?' Remus glared, but gave in to Sirius' stupid adorable puppy eyes.

'Fine. One drink.' Sirius smirked. 'You know, once you have "One drink" you're gonna have them all?' Remus nodded, rolled his eyes, and took the drink out of Sirius' waiting hand.

Now, this was where it got interesting. Sirius had been desperate to get Remus to drink, just to see if he could find a pattern.

He himself traveled through three stages of drunkenness: Horny, giggly, deep. James only had two. Desperate (Begging Lily), and depressed (From being slapped by Lily). He had even noticed Lily's pattern was: Smart/Know-It-All, confusing and giggly, stupid. Sirius had even tried to see with Peter, but Peter just started laughing at everything, which made it pretty boring.

Remus, though, being the only person who very rarely got drunk, had been trickier to follow. Today, however, he was going to find out. So, when Remus had had his first three glasses of Firewhiskey, Sirius began to pay attention.

First Official Stage, or FOS, was: Bored. All he did was sit, sipping quietly, gazing into space. After a couple more drinks, however, he could be found in the middle of the dance floor, leaping around all over and knocking Sirius over twice, sending them both into fits of laughter when they landed on top of each other.

SOS was: Dancer. TOS became very obvious when Remus began slowly removing most of his clothing and grabbing a shirtless Sirius, who was paying very careful attention, and pulling him into a very messy, very drunk, kiss, before taking off across the dance floor once again.

TOS: Half-naked Dancer. Only when Remus began to show hints of taking his last remaining piece of clothing off (His boxer briefs), did Sirius find out what the last, but best, stage was.

When Sirius changed into some nightclothes and slipped into bed with an almost sleeping Remus, and felt him cuddle deeply into his side, Sirius found out what his favourite stage was. LOS: Snuggly.