Flame Heart [Natsu × Reader]

Heart Ache

Advisory: This chapter talks about depression and anxiety.

Your heart sank. You wanted Natsu, but you couldn't without damaging Lucy.
'I'm probably harming their friendship by even being here...' you thought.
You went home and barely slept. As you saw that it was now seven-thirty, a few tears streamed from your eyes. You had to go back and see Lucy as you trained with Natsu. You felt your heart ache with no way to escape. You realised that Natsu would no longer make you happy, He would just make you remember Lucy and how you're hurting both Natsu and Lucy by being around him. You just grabbed your sheets while in tears. You tried to blink the water away, but more water just kept flowing. You took your hands away from the blankets to wipe your eyes and cover them. You couldn't stop crying.
At eight, you finally sloped out of bed and to your closet. You wore some non-provocative clothes that covered everything well. You grabbed a to-go pack of tissues and stuffed it in your pocket as you slowly walked out of your apartment.
You desperately tried to clear your mind on the way to the guild hall. You didn't want them to see you in tears. You stood outside for a bit, breathing in deep and out slow. You opened the doors at last, but you tried not to draw attention and slipped in quietly. You couldn't face Lucy or Natsu... not now. But because of training, you still had to work with Natsu, no matter how much it killed Lucy.
Your heart pounded in pain. You faced the wall and put your hands against it to brace yourself. You felt a single tear drop from your eye and watched it fall to the ground. You then felt a hand on your shoulder. You preyed it was anyone but who it was: Natsu.
"Hey, you okay? Did I mess up on something last night?" he asked.
You thought of last night and it made you warm inside; the time when you didn't realise what was really happening. But then all your warm thoughts got crushed by the images of Lucy crying knowing that the one she loved was no longer in reach. You also thought of her seeing him supporting you right now while you cried instead of her as she cried too.
"No no... You were great!" you said at last
"Then why you cryin'?"
"I'm not crying! I just didn't sleep well last night."
"Well I'll get your blood pumpin'! Cause today we're working on reflexes."
His ignorance made you warm; he didn't know the pain that both you and Lucy were going through inside your chests. You put on a fake smile because you didn't want to hurt Natsu. Happy came over and kept doing random moves to try to build your reflexes with hand-to-hand combat. After half an hour of that, Natsu started doing random attacks for hand-to-hand and magic. After almost an hour of that, you really needed some water. After sweating and crying all morning, you were very dehydrated. You had a few glasses of water and sat at the bar, but plenty of seats away from Lucy.
"Hey (Y/N)! Want some lunch?" Mira asked.
You then realised that you hadn't eaten breakfast.
"Yeah... I'll just have a sandwich."
You ate your sandwich very slowly and ended up only eating half of it. After that Natsu did more magic reflex training with you. You did that for about another hour, then for half an hour he helped build your magic abilities. He would've longer, but you wanted to go home. Natsu didn't understand why, but he let you go. As you opened the doors to leave, you saw Natsu finishing your sandwich. He was so cute, you couldn't help but smile. As you walked home, you couldn't stop yourself from thinking about not joining Fairy Tail.
'It might be for the better... I don't want to hurt anyone, especially not Lucy and Natsu nor their friendship... But maybe if I join, Natsu will train me less and I can back off so Lucy can have him, even though he might still have his eyes on me... And I'll crush on him...' You got home and sat on the couch. Not only did your heart hurt now, but so did your head. You had a glass of lemonade and went and laid down in a dark room. You started to cry again, but soon, no more tears came out... You tried and you were still upset, but there was just nothing left. You eventually fell asleep from weeping.
You woke up at 5 am and couldn't fall back asleep. You decided to have some cereal and get dressed. You wanted to try to make yourself feel better by wearing a nice bra and a cute shirt. You then tried to read a book to pass the time and clear your mind. As 6:30 rolled around, you decided to go to the guild. As soon as you got there you had a glass of water. You felt out of wack. After you finished your water, Natsu walked in.
"Hey, feelin' any better today, flame chick?"
"Eh" you replied.
"Well I'll just have to fix that."
He grabbed your hand and dragged you off of the stool. He dragged you so fast that you almost ran into him. You looked up into his eyes. Lucy wasn't at the guild hall yet. Your heart raced, but you took action and kissed him. He was slightly shocked, but embraced you. As you kissed, you heard the door creek open and Lucy gasp. You then backed off and looked at Lucy who stood in the doorway with tears in her eyes. Natsu hadn't noticed either of you, so after you pulled away he just closed his eyes and smiled. Lucy bolted towards you and tried to do a roundhouse kick. Since you had been working on reflexes, you blocked it with your arm. You looked down in shame.
"Why would you do this to me?!" Lucy exclaimed as she brought her leg down. You just stood there. Natsu stared at both of you in confusion and shock. You began to cry. You hid your face in your hands and ran away. You went to the bathroom to wash up. You looked at yourself in the mirror and just stared into your eyes that screamed of pain. You then just walked out and decided to get your mark of Fairy Tail before you could drop out. You wanted it on the left side of your torso. Mira then told you to take your shirt off. You blushed but did. After she was done, Natsu grabbed your waist from hehind. You blushed and looked over to Lucy. She wasn't looking, thank God. You turned around and put your hand on his shoulder and looked down. He was more confused then ever. You then turned away, put on your shirt and looked at the clock. It was 9:00. You decided to train with Natsu. You had a plan for something, but if you go through with it all depends on how tomorrow goes. You trained with him and put in all your force to try to take away some pain. You did not want to stop. You even wore out Natsu. By 3 Natsu had to sit down and you trained on a punching bag. At 5, Natsu went home. You were finally feeling somewhat worn. You had some water and went home. As you walked out you saw Lucy glare at you. You then trained at home until 1 am. You then passed out.
You woke up at 6:30 and changed. You felt very hungry and ate some toast. As soon as you finished, you put a peice of folded paper in your back pocket and walked out the door. You walked to the guild hall and just stood at the front door. A few tears rolled down your cheeks. You wiped them away and marched in. It was mostly empty except for Mira, Elfman, Lucy, Makarov, and Kana. You walked in. Lucy looked over at you as the door closed. She glared intensely at you. You pretended not to notice and you went over and drank a beer next to Kana. As you took a sip, she looked over at you with a confused look. She noticed the emptiness in your eyes. She finished her drink, grabbed another, and got up and walked away. You finished your drink and walked out the door to go home and grab your swimsuit. As you walked out, Lucy flipped you off. You stood outside and cried for a moment. Then you ran home. You put on your swimsuit and a cover up. You held the peice of paper in your hand. You just stared at it. You decided to leave it at home. You then went to the guild hall and chilled in the hot tub. You reflected and added some more warm drops. You were getting tired of crying. You looked inside and saw Natsu talking to Lucy. You decided to hide in the pool just in case. You just swam and sulked all day. 7:30 pm rolled around and you went home very pruned. You changed into a black gown, took the paper, a pen, and headed back to the guild hall very slowly...