Shy Hearts

Chapter Five: Sam

A series of knocks sounded at the door of Sam's room. Eli, being a heavy sleeper, heard nothing and slept through it. Sam, however, awoke quickly knowing his mother was at the door. Arm around Eli, and chest against his back, he carefully got up from the ground making sure to not awaken Eli. He ran to his bedroom door to find his mother standing on the other side. "Sorry mom, I was still asleep." He stood scratching the back of his head, and his mother gave him a kiss on the forhead. "Its okay, I just wanted to come and say good morning." Sam's mother quietly closed the bedroom door and Sam went to lay back down. Just as he was about to put his arm around Eli again, Eli woke up and Sam took his arm away, picking up his phone. Eli looked over at Sam, and then looked back to the wall. Thoughts of their cuddle session ran through his head, and he smiled to himself. He sat up and faced the space in front of him, before letting out a big yawn and grabbing his phone to check his notifacations. Sam, unknowing Eli was awake and fully aware of his actions, put his phone down and told Eli Good Morning. Eli looked over and wished him the same. Eli couldn't stop smiling at the cuddle session, and the fact that Sam had no idea he knew. Sam noticed Eli's overly joyful attitude and became confused. "You seem pretty happy." He said in a plain tone. Eli looked over and smiled while shaking his head, then looked back at sam. "You have no idea.." Sam was now very confused, but felt it was better not to ask. Eli got up getting his clothes on for the new day and grabbed his bag. Sam stood with him, as the two boys faced each other. "Well, it's about noon and I gotta get home, so I'll see you at school." Eli began to walk away. "Do you need a ride? It's a decently long walk." Eli declined Sam's offer and said he simply needed to sort things out in his head. Sam agreed and Eli walked home. After Eli left the room, Sam plopped himself down on his bed, and put his head in his hands. He wasn't sure what was going on in his head, and he couldn't explain it either. "Why did I do that? That's not good..  oh god... WHAT IF HE KNOWS AND THAT'S WHY HE DECLINED?! Oh no, I'm screwed, that's it. That's the end of our friendship." Sam became more and more worried with every thought running through his head, and decided to eat some lunch to get his mind off things. He walked downstairs and his mother greeted him. "Hey Sam, how was the night?" Sam thought back to him cuddling Eli, and smiled. "U-uh, it was fun! We played Fifa and uh, stuff." Sam mom laughed at his absent minded self. " Well that's good, I made some waffles earlier if you wanted any." She handed him a plate full of waffles and he thanked her. As he shoved the syrup covered hardened waffles into his mouth, he couldn't help but have his mind on last night. "When did i start having these feeling towards Eli? Why is it like this.... no. I-i can't be, gay? Me?" Sam rested his head in the table before him and let out a groan. He knew these feelings and he knew they were all too real. When we was with Eli, he felt warm, and like there was nothing that could possibly be better than having him in his arms. He felt he would be able to do anything for him if needed, and he felt, at home. He didn't want to accept these feelings for Eli, as he felt everyone would pick on him, and think of him differently. He knew that Eli wouldn't accept him, and that he would want to have nothing to do with him. All these thoughts brought him to the brink of tears. He quickly put his plate in the dishwasher and ran upstairs to his room. When he reached the room, he shut the door and locked it behind him. Sam began pacing back in forth in his room, biting on his nails. He wanted nothing to do with the idea of having feelings for Eli, he wanted nothing to do with the idea of being gay. He started pounding on his head, trying to force the thoughts to exit his mind, but of course. That didn't work. And he knew what that meant, he had a crush. A crush on his best friend, let alone, his best friend, being of the same sex. Sam walked over to his bed and laid down under the covers. He felt maybe some sleep would get his mind off of, well, Eli. He wondered why these feelings hi jacked his mind over the course of one night, controlling his thoughts. And all that hi jacking eventually lead to sleep at last. As Sam slept, he tried to lock away the thoughts in his subconscience mind, which eventually invaded his dreams. In his dream, Sam was sitting on the ground under the stars and Eli was under his arm. They both stared up at the dark night sky above their heads, wondering what it would be like to explore the stars together. Sam and Eli then turned to eachother, and with no words, leaned in to kiss. Sam woke up almost immediately and grabbed a pillow screaming into it's surface. He felt like he could no longer escape these thoughts. He felt trapped in his own mind, and he couldn't escape. Tears started trickling down his cheek, frustration was now in control of his body, and confusion was it's influence. The worst part about all of it is that at the moment, all he wanted was to hug Eli and never let go, he wanted to be comforted. He couldn't go to his mother or another friend, but he also couldn't go to Eli. He grabbed his phone to check the time, and saw it was 7:00pm. He thought for a minute, looking around his room, then set the phone down on the table in a completed thought. A feeling fear, but excitement came across him. "I'm gonna tell him."