Cubicle [h.s. au]

20) I Didn't Want To Need You

Roni

"So are you gonna talk to me?" asked Harry as I bit into my sandwich.

We sat in his car while we ate the food he'd bought. I didn't want to eat in the office or break room in case there were nosy ears around. I took my time swallowing, considering my response carefully. Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I finally spoke.

"I just started this job, Harry," I said. "I can't lose another job because of a relationship."

"What are you talking about?"

"My ex, Roland, and I worked for the same company."

Harry nodded. "I know, you told me."

"It was a factory," I continued. "A very well-known one. I had a great job. Not the best, mind you. I was still just a secretary. But I had room to grow, a possibility of moving up. Roland...um...he had pull there. He was assistant manager of his department, his best friend Jamie was manager."

Harry remained silent as he listened to me, his intent on getting me to speak apparent.

"I um...was trying for a new position. An assistant to one of the big bosses, who also happened to be a woman. Her name was Crystal and Roland assured me he could help me get the job. I thought, this would be great because not only will I have a more rewarding job and better pay, but I'll get sort of a mentor out of it too."

I took another bite of my sandwich and wiped my mouth again, taking a sip from my straw.

"We went to New Year's party at Crystal's house. I had the most amazing time. We talked and laughed and drank all night. By the end, Crystal had all but told me I had the job. I was on cloud nine.

"Two weeks later, I was getting ready to move to my new office. But something didn't feel right. I'd expected Roland to be proud of me, cheering me on, you know? But every time I'd mention my new job, he'd change the subject or act really cold. I finally confronted him about it, and he threw it back it my face telling me I was gloating and it was unattractive. I accused him of being childish and jealous and he laughed at me, saying he had nothing to be jealous of."

"I told you he's an idiot," remarked Harry.

I sighed. "He'd been cheating on me. For months."

"With Crystal?" Harry widened his eyes.

"No," I shook my head with a chuckle. "Actually, that would have made the most sense. But he'd been sleeping with this other girl, an assistant from his department that had also been going for the job as Crystal's assistant."

"What the fuck? But...why? Why would he try to help you get a job that this other girl was going for?"

"Apparently, she wasn't going for it at first," I replied. "I'm not even sure she was aware of it until I'd almost gotten it. Crystal told me it was policy to give fair chance to everyone that applied, but that she knew I was best for the position. Anyway, I guess this gal went for it and Roland was stuck in a pickle. When she didn't get it, she was angry and therefore, he didn't like hearing me talk about it."

"Fucking wanker."

"So obviously, I was upset. My joy was tainted. I didn't even want the job anymore. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible. And from her. I didn't enjoy going to work. I felt like everyone knew, and had always known, like I was a joke and they were laughing at me behind my back. Even Crystal told me if my head wasn't in my work, it might be best to bow out."

"Some mentor," Harry mumbled.

"I know," I dropped my head. "But she was right. There was nothing I could do. I could've stayed, but what would've been the point? I wasn't wanted there. Roland would always be there rubbing it in my face. I felt like I was being pushed out. So...I started looking for another job."