Save Me

Chapter Seven

Haven't updated in a while so I thought it was about time I did. This one might be a little sensitive, especially considering the themes that pop up. But I hope you guys are having fun reading so far! Vote and comment if you like it! Love you hunnies, xoxo, Clay.

"No one can understand what you're feeling, unless they burn the way you burned."

-Rihanna

♔ Chapter Seven ♔

I hadn't been able to sleep, since Hedley left. I hadn't even been able to think straight, without my mind shooting back to what had happened. Every time I left my room, I thought I might have seen something in the corner of my eye, and for a second, I'd believe it was him. I'd believe that he'd came back for me, that he was still alive, my twin brother.

But then I'd look over, and I'd rub rigorously at my eyes, and there'd be nothing there. For a while after Hedley left, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Every time I closed my eyes, I'd see him amidst the darkness, staring out at me, getting closer and closer. I couldn't leave my bedroom without thinking, only for a second, that Wilfred was here. I could almost hear his childish laugh ringing in my ears, echoing lightly around the room. I could even remember what he used to smell like, all those years ago. The heavy stench of talcum powder and freshly-washed clothes.

He'd just looked so real, when I remembered what had happened. Seeing him hanging off of me like that, where Hedley should have been, as if he was right there with me, like he'd never even left - it was horrifying.

For years, I'd tried to block out his death, I'd tried to forget that I even had a brother. It seemed so much easier at the time to pretend they never existed at all, than to accept that they were gone forever. But for just one moment, seeing him there, and recognising him - I almost felt like I had my life together again, like I had my family back. Then reality set back in, and Hedley fucked off, and I was alone all over again.

I kept telling myself that none of it mattered - he was gone, he was dead, and he wasn't coming back. But I still couldn't bring myself to believe it. I'd seen him. He was right in front of me. My dead twin brother. He looked alive, like he hadn't aged a day since my mum's car swerved over a cliff and sent them to their watery graves. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel good to see him again, to hear him and smell him everywhere I went. It made me feel like I was less alone, in some stupid way, even if it was only for that one moment.

In all of my life, ever since I was a child, the only thing I'd ever been afraid of, and I mean seriously terrified of, was being alone. After my mum and brother died, I'd try and look ahead, to see what the rest of my life would look like, and I saw myself alone. I didn't see myself with a wife, and definitely not with a husband, and it scared me. The idea of having nobody in my life, of having no one thinking about me on my birthday, sending me cards at Christmas and giving me chocolate eggs at Easter - that was my worst fear.

Even then, it never came true. I wasn't alone, after they died. I wished that I was. I would have preferred that, than to have grown up in that big, empty house, and with my dad. But I didn't like thinking about him much these days either. He was a cold, fucked up fat man with no morals and no sense of empathy. Maybe that was where I got it from, I chuckled to myself. But then I wasn't chuckling, because I remembered all at once exactly what my dad used to be like.

I remember one of the first few days after the accident. That was when it started. Every time that I could smell the stiff scent of beer or hard liquors, I knew he'd be angry with me, and he'd want to hurt me. At the time, I didn't know why. I figured it out eventually.

I'd lost my family, but I hadn't stopped to question why they were running away in the first place. I could just remember it in the back of my head. I was sitting at the top of the stairs, listening to the two of them argue. Wilf was sitting next to me, but he slowly descended the stairs, and the two of them had silenced.