Excerpts from a Girl in Love

He Created a Heartbreaker, He Fixed Her

     He created a heartbreaker.

     When he walked away that day in September he took with him a young girl's heart and her desire to love. He left behind him an empty mold. She was no longer the one who loved endlessly and recklessly; she poured everything that she had into him, so the moment he left, so did she.

     She went from being the girl who wouldn't hurt anyone for the world, into the girl that parents warned their sons about.

     She wasn't all that terrible, she just no longer cared; there was no part left in her that had the slightest desire to give herself up to anyone, or grow attached to another. She moves from person to person, always looking but never staying for too long. She was trying to fill in the hole that was dug into her chest when he walked away, but she was trying to keep herself locked away while doing so, so she wouldn't lose any more than she already had. She fakes 'I love you''s and fools herself into thinking she cares, but then the second she feels herself getting remotely attached she runs the other way, and never looks back leaving someone in the dust hurting as she once was.

     But now there's a boy who somehow filled the hole that was left behind. He fits into her chest, filling the cavity as if it is a lock pad and he is the key that was wielded specifically to her.

     He unlocked the chains that trapped her feelings inside of a box, and opened the chest as if it were never closed in the first place. He overwhelmed her with feelings that she'd long since forgotten that she was able to feel.

     She was no longer the girl who drew people in, searching only for feelings of self-worth and the need to be desired; she was no longer the girl who was only destined to take the hearts out of the chests of those who fell for her sugary-sweet words and false promises of love; she was no longer the girl who stole the hearts of others, working to fill the absence that had- at one time long before- since been left in her chest.

     She was turned back into that naïve girl- she found herself falling in love again. Suddenly all her thoughts revolved around him, and she was left sitting awake at night, well until the crack of dawn, muffling the sounds of laughter from talking to him as her parents slept. All those cliché love songs began filling her with a feeling of warmth- rather than a feeling of longing, disdain, or resentment- as his name was the only thing she could think of while listening to them. Sunsets and rainy days became times that she wished he was with her, rather than things she had since learned to appreciate on her own. He became a part of her without her even knowing it; he began crafting her world.

     The words that he spoke drew her in, and rather than questioning and dismissing everything he said as she'd trained herself to do, she found herself clinging on to every word as if they were precious, invaluable pieces of treasure. She found herself memorizing all the little things that there was to know about him like the fact that his favorite color is navy blue, one of his favorite animals is a bear, and he loves Dobermans because he's been around them for close to forever; he hates thunder and lightning when they're too close and right outside his window, just as he doesn't like being alone. She found herself drawn to any and all of the little things; she wanted to know everything that there was to know about him, because for the first time in a long time he wasn't just another pretty face that she wanted to want her, she wanted him.

     He turned the heartbreaker into the one with all too much vulnerability of being the one that ends up heartbroken. Rather than hearing him utter the words 'I love you' and feeling nothing like all those before him, she became the one who had to choke them back before spontaneously spewing them out at 2 o'clock in the morning in the silence of one of their conversations with no one around but him to hear.

     For the first time in a long time, she found herself clinging on, not wanting it to end, not wanting him to leave. She found herself choking on the silent plea of 'Always' and 'Promise you'll be mine forever'. Everything within her screamed that it wouldn't work and that it wouldn't happen, but for the first time she managed to act on what she wanted, rather than being scared of what was likely. She began acting with her heart, ignoring the parts of her that screamed to run away before it was too late.

     Part of her couldn't help but be terrified- she wasn't used to feeling this way, and the last time it all fell to shambles. But she became determined to stomach that fear because for once she was okay with the idea of being hurt; some people are worth hurting for, and to her, he was worth every last possibility. He was worth the worst, because he was making her feel the best that she had in a while, in all the ways she forgot was possible.

     He made the heartbreaker go from the one whom all she knew how to do was rip apart at others and never care, into the one who handed herself over and decided she cared all too much.