Choose HOPE.

13-Anxiety

  Anxiety can be a difficult thing to have when you're with someone you deeply care. Sometimes you feel annoying because you keep asking if they're mad at you, if they're bored of you. You need constant reassurance that they still care about you, that they still want you around. You're terrified of becoming a burden to them.

I know you're scared to fail. So much so, you're searching for perfection and you beat yourself up every time you fall short. You're your own worst enemy and I'm here to tell you, you don't need to be. You know why? because you're the kind of person who worry and think too much. And everyone is telling you to relax. But you can't seem to, but I want you to know, it shows a sign of strength caring as much as you do.

  Sometimes you feel alone because even though the love of your life is right in front of you, or the person you care too much about you is there or even the closest people to your heart are there too.. even though they're trying their best to understand what you're going through, they don't get it. Not really, because you're lost and it's hard for you to explain how you've been feeling. Because you want to tell them everything that's on your mind, but sometimes you can't even understand what's wrong.

This is not a weakness but a strength of yours. You have a heart that doesn't want to hurt people. You come off  but I know you just want to make the right choices. Know that you already are. You're doing great.

Then its comes a part, where you feel insecure because you don't fit in with their friends and family the way that you should. Because you still feel like an outsider, even after months of dating them, and your heart is racing but you're showing  it with a smile. In those moments where anxiety is controlling you, take a deep breath. Do whatever you need to that will calm your nerves, it's okay to be like this and you don't need to change, just learn to breathe through it. To accept it, and control it.

  Sometimes you feel selfish because you decided to stay home, because you ruined their big plans for the night. Because you couldn't resisit the thought of leaving the house and talking to other people, even though you know it would have made others happy, maybe better for you too.

I know you hate yourself for breaking down and crying in private because of something you couldn't control even if it was something small. Stop hating yourself for this. It's okay to have those moments as long as you don't let them define you. Why? because there is so much more to you than your anxiety.

So when your anxiety is getting the best of you and you're hating yourself for it, I want you to remember that, It will all be okay and the people who belong in your life won't leave you, and none of them thinks that you are a burden as you search over details a million times of things playing out in your mind. You do whatever you need to, to live with this. Everyone else will learn to adapt also, because they're trying too..And sometimes you will ask yourself,  what if they leave? What if they get tired of dealing with your breakdowns? What if they realize that they could have someone else, someone without anxiety, someone who won't  text them much? someone who won't bother anybody? ..You will feel ungrateful because even when they're holding you close and promising you that everything is going to be okay, even though you've found the person you've always wished you could find ,you still feel anxious.  

The worse part of it all is,you feel like they would be better off without you, you feel like you're only dragging them down,like you're making their life harder than it has to be. But there comes a day when you actually feel okay and you push past all of those negative emotions for letting you remember that your anxiety isn't going to stop you from living a life you love with a person you care about or even love.

Because the truth is you are loved and needed. You are cared about, and you will realize that the day you'll find someone who knows that anxiety isn't who you are, it's just a part of you you will know that your anxiety does not define you, so don't let it.

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Im sorry for being not active those few days , and for this long paragraph but I thought that maybe, oneday, someone needed to read this. Have a great day .