B for Babies

7

Appointment after appointment, there Alex sat beside her bedside. It was awkward at first for Meredith, knowing the truth that nobody else would understand. Alex has never seen her with her knees up, and legs spread - although that was the narrative they were going for. She made it abundantly clear to him that for those first few appointments, that he was to keep his eyes on her face at all times, if not on the floor or anywhere that didn't involve her vagina. He wasn't exactly impressed by being told what to do, but what else was he meant to do in this situation? Nothing. That's what Meredith kept reminding him.

"Everything seems to be going perfectly." Arizona told the pair, the loving parents of this unborn child, that's what she thought she was looking at, as Meredith patted Alex on the chest in affection, that's all Arizona needed to see in order for her to believe them as a couple. "If you have anymore questions, you can come to me - or Alex. I know you've done this before, but baby brain can strike without warning." She reminded the pair, a big smile across her pink glossy lips. It almost made Meredith want to throw one of her instruments right at the blonde's face. She shouldn't be the cheerful one in this situation, it should be her the mother.

"No questions. We don't have questions." She assured her, before she was climbing off the stirrups, and walking over to grab her clothes. She didn't want to be in this paper gown any longer, it was uncomfortable, and honestly she didn't want Alex seeing her ass, even though he knew that if he was caught taking a peek - she could do some damage.

"We're fine." Alex agreed, walking out to the door himself, he stopped first and pressed a kiss to Meredith's forehead before he was walking out into the hall, ready to face the rest of his day.

It had been a few nights before when they'd had their first major blow. Alex has been living in her house, but she's been making him sleep in the spare room. Neither Amelia nor Maggie had said a thing about it, although they were both pretty sure Meredith's "it will confuse the children" excuse was probably a lie. They didn't know what she was lying about, but they both were sure that there was something going on in that head of hers.

The barney wasn't entirely unprovoked, and maybe her hormones were to blame, but Alex stood his ground regardless. She had been screaming at him because he didn't agree with what she had been saying, she wanted to see another doctor, thinking that Arizona would find out their secret and it would be the end for them both. She knew they couldn't come back from something like this, even if it was still early on in their lie.

Alex was stubborn at the best of times, so he really wasn't backing down. Maggie had been downstairs trying to distract the kids, but honestly she had no idea what they had or hadn't heard. The argument ended with Meredith slamming her bedroom door, and Alex walking down stairs to cool off. He stopped to glance into the living room, where the little ones were watching TV, but apart from that he didn't have much to do with any of them until the following morning.

When Meredith was fully dressed again, she stopped to think about what she had gotten herself into. Maybe an abortion would have been easier, maybe Cristina was right about that, but she's never really been one to want to just pretend that she had never been pregnant, she didn't think she could focus on anything other than the fetus that might have made her feel whole again. It was silly, she knew that but she's been feeling something missing ever since she lost Derek. She loved her children more than anything else, but she still felt a hole where her heart once was.

She didn't know why, but she soon found herself in the gallery, watching over a surgery she didn't have any interest in, she was barely watching the scene in front of her eyes, only that she was watching Nathan working and wondering if her child would look at all like him. She didn't know what kind of person would do this, keep a baby from their own flesh and blood, all she knew was that it would be too messy. The truth was just too complicated and she didn't think it was fair for any of them for it to come out. It wouldn't be fair on Alex - who gave up everything for her. It wouldn't be fair on Maggie - who would be hurt more than Meredith could imagine. It wouldn't be fair on Nathan - who would be having a child with a woman who didn't love him at all. She didn't want that scenario, she would run if she had to, but she wasn't going to put anybody through that situation. Even if it did mean she was going to have to live with the guilt of it for the rest of her life.

All she could think about here was how this was something her own mother would do, she could just imagine Ellis Grey having to make these same choices. A bitter laugh escaped from her lips before she realised she was no longer alone.

"I haven't seen you up here in a long time." The voice of Richard Webber interrupted her messy thoughts. She shrugged and looked across at him.

"Everyone's been telling me to take it easy, so here I am sitting down and watching." She responded, feeling like maybe her bitter undertone was a little too harsh, and less of an undertone by now.

"Your mother hated it too. Being told to take it easy when she was pregnant." He told her, confirming her biggest fear.

"Kick a girl while she's down. Telling her she reminds you of her mother." She snorted, shaking her head again. She ran her fingers through her hair before tying it up in a messy pony tail. That stung to her, being compared to her mother had always been a sore spot, but now that she realised it was truer than she ever imagined, it hurt more than anything.

"I wasn't trying to kick you Meredith." He spoke but she was hardly there, feeling like a ghost who was barely in the room at all. He kept talking, trying to explain his intentions but she could hardly breathe, let alone muster up enough energy to register anything he was saying anymore.