B for Babies

10

There was a moment where nobody spoke; the only sounds in the room were from cutlery clashing against plates. Meredith didn't enjoy awkward silences, but she sure didn't want to make conversation. This dinner wasn't her idea, nor did she want to encourage it. She didn't dare make eye contact with Nathan, who was still trying his hardest to find something off about her and Alex; she leaned back against Alex who sat beside her, moving her shoulder in against his chest before letting out a faux yawn.

"You're tired." Maggie said to her, feeling bad that she was keeping her sister up. "I'm sorry I didn't realise we'd be up this late." She didn't look sorry, and Meredith pursed her lips unintentionally.

"It's fine." Meredith insisted, although she felt dirty for playing this card, she placed a hand on her belly and hid another yawn with her other hand. "Just because I'm tired doesn't mean your evening has to end." Although if she were being honest she really wanted it to end before secrets started pouring out.

Nathan tried to protest, but Alex stood up to help Meredith out of her chair. She wasn't that pregnant yet, and under different circumstances she might have told him off for it. This time she was glad he was being overly caring.

By the time they were upstairs she let out a belly load of air she had been holding in, a sigh that was well overdue. "That's never happening again." She told Alex, who was now leaning against the wall. He shook his head and let out a chuckle.

"What's with that guy, does he have a sick thing for sisters or what?" He asked her, and Meredith rolled her eyes to that.

"Trust me he wasn't the one who initiated this pairing." She said with another sigh, she knew he had felt more for her than she felt for him, but she still felt bad letting her sister fawn over him and making him feel like he had to say yes to these dates with her. At least that's what she thought was going on, that he felt bad for her.

"Even so, he's the one sitting at your dinner table with a girl who seemed like she was too happy for us to leave them alone together..." His voice sounded light, but she couldn't help but wonder if she detected something else in his tone.

Meredith frowned at him momentarily as she thought about that. Maggie and Nathan together wouldn't work, it couldn't. She didn't want them getting serious, when people were serious they didn't keep secrets and she needed Nathan to keep this secret.

"Mere, you okay?" Alex's voice sounded so far away but as she looked up at him he was standing closer than ever. She nodded and took the last few steps towards her bedroom. She needed to sit down, to clear her head, this dinner was supposed to be something she did for her sister, something she smiled and beared, but it was soon turning into something that made her think way too much.

He followed her in, scared because she looked like she'd just seen a ghost, the colour in her face was almost completely gone. It scared him, but not as much as the future did.

As she swung her legs over onto her mattress, her eyes travelled upwards to meet his. She knew then how selfish she was being, how she had let Alex mess up his life for her yet again.

In the past few months of his relationship with Jo, she knew how Jo felt about their closeness, how she thought Alex spent more time making sure she was okay over his own girlfriend. At the time she didn't care, but now it was apparent to her how selfish she could be. "You don't have to do this anymore Alex, I'm going to give you an out, you don't have to take it but if you love her, you should. I can handle this lie on my own, I don't need to ruin your life in the process." She told him, and Alex didn't know how to react. He remained standing there beside his best friend's bed without a single word forming between his lips.

He wondered what would have happened if he'd never agreed to this, it's only been a few months but he's already made this is life, it was his truth now and he didn't know how to reverse it. He turned back towards the door before looking at Meredith, who was still waiting for him to speak. He walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind himself.

His breath hitched in his throat as his thoughts began to speak. His feet decided for him as he walked towards the staircase. He could hear the voices echoing from the kitchen, and he didn't know where he was going or what he was about to do; only that he's never felt more confused than ever.

Meredith didn't want to know what was going to happen next, all she could think about was how messy things were about to get for her. Granted she had nobody to blame but herself, why did she let her vagina win over her better judgment? She should have learnt from her past, where she'd done some pretty dodgy things under the influence of her lady business.

All she could bear was to lie back against her pillows and try to clear her mind. She thought about work, about her patients and the surgeries she had lined up in the next few days, that's what was important to her. Her children and her job, men were too hard in every sense on the word.