❝Bathroom Talks❞ m.yg x p.jm [eng trans]

17

One week later

So tightly and desperately as if my life would depend on it I clutched the one-way chopsticks in my fingers seeming too dainty for such a strength, ignoring the pressure on my skin slowly beginning to hurt. While I seemed neither to notice the people nor the noise coming through the cafeteria's walls, I was fixing my eyes on the table surface next to my untouched food tray. Withal this white lacquered ground was only a screen for the words I couldn't put out of my mind anymore and that virtually ate up my mind like a virus, addled my wits and decorated now the table in my mind's eye.
With great difficulty​ I found the way back to the reality that was meanwhile more far away for me than the afterworld.
When I arrived I immediately confronted with my best friend's glimpse mixed of incredulity, worry and discomfort.
But my inside part concentrated on reflecting this glimpse flawlessly like a mirror image infested by suspect.
And still we had put the curtain caused by the depths of hypocrisy and denial over it in order to hide the destroying truth.
The truth making us drift apart like diverging slabs, while I threatened to fall into the seeming unending gorge of the secret that divided us from each other.
The truth that friends became strangers and strangers give the coveted haven whose place the earlier indomitable seeming friendship couldn't offer.
With a short 'be right back' I finally stood up escaping the black shroud that took also the last leftovers of comfort in Jungkook's presence.

Eyeing my 'target' already and ignoring the withdrawal sypmtom seeming drunkenness bringing along the staying away from the boys bathroom and the resulting deprivation of his words, I was sneaking through the not crowded hallway to the restroom. But before I could get any satisfaction by the possible discovery of a new text I got interrupted by a dainty finger drilling onto my shoulder twice and bringing along a slight pain due to the long nails. Surprised I turned around, hesitating though, and looked into two probably innocent eyes of an unknown girl.
Since I didn't find a useful way to react to it in my still fogged mind I merely looked at her wonderingly, hoping her mind to be at the same level as mine.
Though I could see in her eyes that she definitely understood my minimale expression, it took her some seconds yet in which uncertainty and curiosity were reflected in her eyes' pupils. I already guessed what she wanted to know, but was still not certain until I noticed her slight nodding to the boys bathroom's direction.
"Did you know him?", she asked after the temporary eternity our little game of expressions had taken.
The way the question layed on her lips decorated with lip gloss made my discomfort grow even more. Was it that wrong to know a boy who gave you with his words enough breathing air to liven up the own almost forgotten fantasy again? But before I could continue our little 'conversation' I got interrupted by the voice whose owner I had tried to escape from before.
"No, he doesn't​."
But before I could get goosebumps caused by his cold tone he was already grabbing my hand roughly again, just like last time, and strechted the distance between the unknown girl and me with a considerable speed.
Like oftentimes also in this case my strength in my arms leaving a lot to be desired was a barrier that took me unnecessary effort. Instead, I tried to make him draw attention to the surely already turning blue imprints on my wrists.
"Yah! Jungkook, you're hurting me!" No reaction.
Only after the third try he slowed down his almost flying steps, until he finally stopped in one of the countless, long hallways going through the school like a labyrinth.
While I was rubbing my hurting wrist, the incredulity mixed with guilt feeling came back. The following silence was like the storm that made our both trunks drift even more apart in the sea of secrets that had appeared between us.
Until I finally put out my hand, the last time after weeklong, false hope for the truth.
"Please tell me the truth. Why have they been acting that weird to me since that day?
And who was the girl talking about? Please, tell me finally the truth!", I begged without hidng the trepidation about our friendship being on the rocks.
Some further seconds were passing before Jungkook's normally shining, honest eyes were dulled by compunction and bitterness. "Sometimes it's better not to be aware of everything."
By this sentence he has backed my arm and driven a definite wedge between him and me.
Words weren't necessary to fix the end, our glimpses spoke volumes that weren't ambiguous at all.
But when I turned around and left my previously best and only friend, my heart wasn't able to leave the sadness behind.

~~~~~~~~
sad face
~~~~~~~~