❝Bathroom Talks❞ m.yg x p.jm [eng trans]

24

⚠️ Contains mentions about suicide. Read at your own risk. If you don't feel comfortable being confronted with this topic, SKIP this chapter ⚠️
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My regained sense of time made me see the passing seconds to the expected answer by me almost figuratively.
But both of us waited vainly for my verbally reaction, it seemed like if Suga's words were the only language I was able to speak, like any existing words would've seceded from reality together with the acceptance of the illusion and would've layed the talking on my tongue as a bare feeling of impossibility like a banishment. His eyes that were previously patiently waiting for a reaction by me dulled due to the seemly raising guilt feeling, what got confirmed through his following words.
"I'm probably the last guy you want to see right now. But please give me a chance to explain."
His usually naively shining eyes had changed into a veneer of regret discounting his actual charisma, that nearly imposed on me while it was begging for forgiveness.
Although I had already buried our contention under the sand of forgetting, hence, at least the hope of regaining a little part of the puzzle, my confusion had built and put to the unreachable zones of my mind, seemed to be a good solution to snatch the everyday life again.
With a subtile nodding and a quiet 'Come in' I let the hopefully not being long in coming explanation in, while I was guiding its messenger through the rooms, their let down shutters spoke volumes of my inner state, and letting him enter the living room lighted by the daylight. Taking a seat seemed as inappropriate and de trop as the light shining through the big windows, that vainly tried to take the in my heart domestic shadows' territory.
Like a part of the furniture we were standing in the middle of the room and stared into each other's eyes, trying to crack the oppressive mood through the changing of our sights.
But finally it was Jungkook who recognised the futility and began to speak.
"I have only one single beg.
No matter what I'm going to tell you now, please promise, it won't influence our relationship to each other."
The desperation in his voice squashed my heart and made the suddenly emerging longing for the time before the discovery of the changing texts flow out of all vents of my soul like blood.
"I promise", it went over my lips before I could get aware of the possibility of an impossible fulfillment. But taking it back wasn't possible anymore, I thirsted way too much for the truth, that should become a further piece of the puzzle with every sentence.
And thus, Jungkook didn't hesitate for long and began to tell, endeavoring keeping the mask of practicality.
"First of all you should know that you weren't the first person I was calling my 'best friend'. Indeed I have never told you this before, but with a good reason of course.
But I can't let him -...it standing between our friendship."
Again he gulped noisily and wetted his lips dried by the nervousness, before he continued.
"Since I'm able to think he and me have been inseparable.
Just like you and me.
However, he had never showed a whiff of emotion outwardly and even to me, what seemed to solidify with every year we aged.
But whenever I had went through a bad time, I had never have to ask for a comforting hug or an open ear, his appearance seemed oftenly to be only a mask, the most attentive and devoted human I had ever gotten to know hid behind. When I had recognised this I was firmly convinced to be able to live with his missing ability of expressing feelings.
Until he suddenly stopped talking to me and -", at this point his voice broke caused by all the sadness that had gradually formed to indestructible rocks.
"And?", I pressed him on.
"I...I didn't know how to help it...all those texts he wrote... It was like he tried to communicate with me using another language strange to me and let me view behind his mask.
It was the same words and still it was so different.
I wish I would've had the courage to understand them.
But my fear of the meaning had won before my courage had even had a chance to build itself.
I...I have only understood it when it was already too late.
All he would've needed was my damn closeness! And I couldn't give him even this."
After this sentence his phrases accompanied by tears perished now completely in his sobbing's orchestra I wanted to silence with a touch of empathy when I realized his just spoken words.
It took me heardly one second to square the spoken with its poetically written version.
And it didn't take me a second to draw the only possible conclusion.
The feeling of my coming back pain throwing me on the ground awoken by one single person made me lurch one step backwards, before I let the question leave my lips, its answer made my heart's short healing whiter.
"What's that supposed to mean? How is it connected to the situation recently?"
Fallen prey to the pain seemly coming back into the world Jungkook looked at me, the hesitation caused by the fear of pronouncing the answer was more present than ever before.
And still it had to be pronounced, just like actually everything.

"It's the cabin, Jimin.
The cabin he took his own life in."

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