❝Bathroom Talks❞ m.yg x p.jm [eng trans]

18

My footsteps recoiling on the laminated floor of the hallway and the choked sobbing, which was leaving my heart overflowing with sadness, were the only audible sounds, that seemed to fill the whole space around me although it wasn't that much.
And still, despite the distraction of this mind blinding sadness my feet seemed to know the way my core wished to go.
Now not only my mind was bowing to the trance reigning over me for the last weeks, but also my body.
Through this trance I watched how my hand, connected with my body but momentary apparently not a part of it, layed over the handle that had let me escape from reality outside of the room behind the door already oftentimes.
But as soon the door to the restroom snapped shut behind me and I was on my halfway to the cabin I stopped.
The fog of hope in my thoughts cleared and made me look at the torturing reality's face involuntarily.
The reality Jungkook had dodged the trust that should've been persist in our friendship in he had let me sink into my confusion about my schoolmates' weird behavior in and he had made me dodge my trust as well in caused by the feeling of outland coming from him that layed the column our friendship was built in in ashes.
I was also in a reality I blindly followed a stranger's words in, who had created a gate to his core for me through his words and by that also a deep connection.
A reality I found solely in those words born safety of fantasy, a safety reality never could've given to me.

And still the fantasy couldn't assert this time against reality's clutches, as it wrapped me into its brought along loneliness, a net it needed more spinal for escaping than I had.
I had convoluted myself on the low windowsill, ignoring the possibility of me not being alone and being watched, and so I also didn't notice the shadow laying over my face wetted with tears.
First when I dashed over my eyes with my sleeves already wetted by sadness and blinked I recognized the silhouette, its porcelain colored skin tone was highlighted by the sunbeams shining through the window.
"Suga?"
"Who else?", he replied drily.
"Maybe one of the surely 500 other male students going to this school?", I retorted and laughed.
But when I saw how the mask of his facial traits was cruelly fighting against his heart trying to succumb the desire to twist his mouth corners to a smile and the steely mask he was wearing involuntarily won mercilessly and stayed motionlessly, the laughter in my mouth corners died.
That you 'lost' your smile from a certain dose of tortures the life had steadily prepared for our heart still seemed to be a current metaphor to me. But meeting someone who had really and seemingly irrevocably lost his smile, who didn't even seem to have ever got to know his own smile, made me tremble. And again the intensity of our eye contact had created a force field that apparently prevented every watch hands from moving on.
Until it was Suga's voice that made the force field tremble and let the world go on.
"Where have you been the last days?", he asked with a heavy whiff of bitterness in his tone anyways shaped in negativity.
Accepting the question I had unexplainably hoped for, the narrow, curved line between my lips began to bow up.
Smiling thinking back to the shock had been brought to me by the realization of me having been fallen in love with this boy's words and phrases, I noticed how now merely comfort spread in my stomach instead of shock. Still smirking I uppered now my glimpse to catch Suga's.
"Do you know what love is?", I put out my question that seemed to be easily answered for me in this moment.
It was his eyes bespeaking it.
His eyes made me hear the answer told by his voice without him moving his lips.

"Not since this mask had replaced my heart."

Satisfied with this answer that was merely born in the fog in my mind I pushed off mysf from the windowsills only to be able to look into his eyes from the same height.

"It's your words. My love is your words."

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say it already, jiminie
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