When I'm on the ice, everything disappears. The worries of my mind slowly become a distant memory, a dormant beast lay, resting in the once dark chamber in my head.
It replaces my anxiety with something new. A rush. A burst of adrenaline running through my veins. And God, does it feel good. Everytime I feel my skates racing across the slick path, it makes me feel optimistic, as if the world is a perfect wonderland, with only me and me only.
But I would be lying in saying that the one thing that takes my pain away, doesn't bring me a sickening gift of a different kind of pain. Because it does. The pain of embarrassment. Most boys my age are out, hooking up with girls, doing drugs or whatever other pastimes they may have. Yet I'm here, just me and my skates, trying to forget my existence.
If anyone one was to find out my dirtiest secret, I don't know what I would do. My world would end before I even knew it was over. I would die, a slow and painful metaphorical death.
The countless times I've had to move school because of bullies, calling me a faggot and choosing to hurt me in every single was possible (physically and mentally). And why? Because I enjoyed something perceived as "feminine" and "gay".
I don't want to go through that pain again. I don't want to go through the endless torments again. I don't want them to find out again.
So hi, my name is Dan, and this is my secret.
YOU ARE READING
Anxiety is my Best Friend// phan // AU
FanfictionDan has always been the quiet kid at school. He is ridden with anxiety and depression until he's on the ice. Everything he is aware of slips away, all that matters is the music and his body. That is, until he meets phil.
