The Goodbye Letter

Chapter 1 - The Letter

Dear Harry
It's been a while...
How are you?
Yes, I do realize I won't know the answer but...
If it's "good" then: It's so great to hear that, I'm so happy for you.
If "not good" then: It'll get better, I know it will. (
And I hope you know I mean it...
A lot must have changed by the time you read this.
I can't imagine having missed out on all the things life offered you and me.
I hope you feel that way too.
I miss your scent, the scent that used to radiate off you every time we touched.
I miss what it felt like to breathe you in and breathe you out, the best air I've ever breathed.
I'm getting off track now.
That's not the point here.
The point is I hate you, I hate you because I love you, I hate you because if I didn't you'd never have moved on with your life.
I hate you because I never should have met you, but then again I love you because if I hadn't met you I wouldn't be who I am now.
I know it sounds a bit selfish but I just can't imagine not having experienced the time of my life without you there too.
I love you because for the time that I had known you, you taught me things, so many things and you've changed me, for better and worse.
Harry, I hate and love you because you couldn't let go, you left it all to me to force you away, to make you leave, to pray you'd forget I ever existed.
I've convinced myself that I'd send this letter to you, when I'm old, when I've moved on, when I've forgotten about you.
But I don't think I'll ever be able to forget you, your corny grin has left an imprint in my mind that will last for as long as I live.
I've already written your address on the envelope, stuck a nicely sealed stamp on it and sprayed it with perfume and it rests, right next to this letter as I write this.
As much as I believe I'll one day forget about you I really, sincerely, hope I don't.
You've brought so much passion and emotion into my life.
Harry, I'm not sure if I'd actually send this to you because as I mentioned, I'd send this to you when I've moved on, cause I'm not sure that will ever happen.
As impossible as it was for me to love, you stole my heart, my soul, my everything.
Harry, I am YOURS.
I hope you are mine.
When I think of all the happy moments that I remember and captured with that dysfunctional polaroid camera you gave me.
I think of all those happy times, like the time we went hiking and found that field filled with Oxalis flowers and you filled my hair with them.
That was a beautiful day.
You spun me around and lifted me to your shoulders so I could view the ocean from beyond the trees, like you could when you were young and your grandfather would bring you here.
I think about that time we ran around Central Park on our trip to the big apple.
I remember that night I slept over and gave you a nerf gun as a birthday gift, only to backfire as you kept chasing me around your apartment trying to shoot me with it, shame on you, attacking an unarmed innocent with a nerf gun, you should be ashamed.
I think of the day you painted my nails for me and prepared me some nice breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I was spoiled, wasn't I?
And we watched the movies you brought over, making snarky remarks at the characters we didn't like.
The night at the evening gala, when you got jealous of my date.
I remember the time you got annoyed when I kept "screaming" in the backseat of your car while you were stressed as hell, talking with your secretary on your little Bluetooth ear piece, sorting through papers at a red light while pinching my leg so I'd stop.
Later on yelling at me as I laughed when you accidentally opened the passengers window and all the papers flew everywhere.
The day you and I bought a bunch of toys and gave them away to all the patients in the hospital.
And you said you'd hoped that one day they'd be healthy, happy and live out their dreams, no matter how big or small they may be.
I said I'd hoped that too.
I said I'd hoped that for you.
I hope you have beautiful daughters, like you've mentioned you've dreamt of having one day, while you and I were waiting in the darned stuck elevator.
I hope you have a fluffy grey cat called Ducky like you'd told me you'd have one day, while we were jogging on the beach in the nice, fresh, morning breeze.
I hope you have a gorgeous and sexy wife who could pull off all the countless dresses I tried on and rejected.
I hope your parents are alive and healthy and get to play with those beautiful daughters of yours.
I hope your sister finds someone who cares for her, loves her to death and takes care of her for as long as they live and are happy at that.
Speaking of happiness...
I hope you are happy.
I hope you have an amazing life, a happy life.
And I hope you get that promotion you've dreamt of ever since I met you.
I know you'll get that promotion before you ever read this so give yourself a pat on the back from me.
I hope you live your dreams.
And I hope you live the best life you ever could, no regrets, no mistakes, nothing that isn't positive.
I pray that I'm no regret, and I hope I won't hold you back from living.
You know, really living, that's what you've always wanted...